Mr Maybe.

i was having coffee with client just now. married couple with 2 kids. both around my age. and what i love about them is they are so loving to each other. with each other.

not those irritating high pitch voice calling each other baby or those who cant keep their hands off each other.

they are just - loving.
he respects her.
she respects him.
they hear each other out.
argue at times.
agreeing at times.
they are basically equal.
and i sit there and tell my self..
this is what love is all about.

i have been in a relationship where one person is more dominant than the other. sometimes its me and sometimes its them.

what im realising now is that, my past relationship was stronger and longer when i have the upper hand. or when i let it be on their terms 24-7. and it was those times when im the one who got out - and it was never the reason that i dont love them. yes - i do love whomever i was with in the past.

i just happened to love someone else more.

but life can play you back. the person u tot u in love with may never feel (as much) the way u do. so, yeah, i got burnt. served me right for letting good things get away.

really?

people questioned me before, why am i still single? what am i waiting for?

im not sure why or what. im clueless.

truthfully, when u give ur heart to someone - its rarely that u ever get it back. so, maybe that's y. maybe im still in love with that same someone who i fell in love with a LONGGGG time ago.

maybe.

relationship after that seems like passing time til the next real thing comes along. after a while, i feel like its pointless to be in a relationship for the sake of being in one.

maybe.

with me, its the little thing that counts.

so, watching this couple, i suddenly have this list blinking in my head - the idea of my perfect guy. there's no such thing. but wouldnt it be nice?

here goes.

• one who makes my heart stop beating.
• one who makes my heart goes 500 miles/hour.
• one who laughs with me (rather than at me) when i did the silliest of stuff.
• one who can just let me ramble on a subject that doesnt make sense without rolling his eyes.
• one who knows that the smallest thing i did for him is the biggest thing.
• one who kisses the side of my forehead while watching a movie.
• one who looks at me accross from a crowded room and wink - acknowledging my existence.
• one who hold my hand while driving (automatic car!!) and kisses it.
• one whom is not embarrassed to introduce me to his family & friends.
• one who search for my hand even when he's sleeping.
• one who can stand my unruly hair.
• one who doesnt judge me.
• one who calls me by my given name in their own weird pronounciaton and tone.
• above all, he must loves me.

see - not hard at all.

u this guy? email me now.

haha.

so.. enuf of this relationship talk. its giving me headache.

need to sleep it off now. ish.. had to get up in 1 hour for the majlis berbuka puasa - office function though i dunno why i should show face when ive been eating like a pig the whole day.

ok la.. off i go.