just a thought...

a friend of mine posted this in his FB note today.. and i guess it just hits me right at the bullseye.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences. You build up this armour, for years, so no one can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life ..... you give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like, "I don't love you anymore", or "I'm in love with someone else", or, "Let's just be friends", turns into a glass splinter, working its way in to your heart, inch by inch in slow motion, cutting, tearing, and poisoning you from inside. It hurts big time, not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

as much as i would like to agree with it - i cant agree with the last part. i dont hate love. i love everything about love. i despise it for the misuse of it. but if its real - its real.

we had discussion the other night over coffee - well its was more like soyabean with crushed ice with cendol & gula melaka, which by the way was heavenly superb!!! (i had 3 glasses by the way in over few hours!) and anyways, it was a conclusion reached at the end of the night that i fall under the heading of "hopers" or those dreamers. basically those people like me lives in their own la-la-land. always believing that there's still hope for some people. that, some may change.

well.. i know they dun. and even if they do, they'll lose that very thing why i love them in the first place.

which lead us to this very virus whom is currently messing up my system. virus to the core and it corrupts the fundemental of the system which was going on great prior to its errr... corruption. putting up firewall is just no use coz one just cant help what one feel. and not that i didnt try. i tried real hard. deleting the very virus just made it worst. and was that love? or was that just pure and simple lust. or a combination of both? either way, as a general rule, virus is not good for the system. im still trying to figure out whether its a good virus or bad virus.

i know one day - when i stop wondering - coz people always say that it'll come when u stop searching - that an anti virus will make an appearance and which i hope will totally delete and diminish whatever that is corrupted - or what corrupting the system to begin with.

but i do so getting used to the virus. im scared if i really let the virus corrupt the very core that made me ME, then the anti-virus will always be the second best.

and that in my book is never a good thing.

until such time comes, if it ever, im so loving the butterflies in the system. the tinggling feeling - how my heart stop and then, start beating at a dangerous rate. yeah after all these times. the virus still able to do that. and even if its a bad virus - this very virus made me smile.

at times.

other times, i just wish my system is free from this particular virus.

so you see.. i dont hate love. i love love.

and i love the virus..

without it, how do i know i need an anti-virus kan.. doesnt make much sense now.

im still figuring it all out.
coz when dealing with virus.. there are no warnings given. then just attack and corrupt.
no explanation. no point of troubleshooting.

maybe one day it will all make sense even to me.
who knows.

kan..

My latest toy..

yay...

after looking high & low for a netbook.. i finally found the one that i like..

its small. compact. lighter.

- toshiba nb305 series -

yup.. sold off my laptop to CK (to cover some part of the cost in buying this one).. more than half the price when i first bought it.. she really cut throat one.. but.. truthfully, i would've taken her offer even if its at RM500..

HAH!!!!

u think?

anyway.. the last few days.. been trying to figure the internet connection bit.. seems to have a little bit problem there... almost gave me a brain damage trying to figure what other configurations are there.. did i missed out any steps?

finally.. after 4 nights of trying to figure out.. after millions click here and there... after referring to most of my friends, expert & non-expert alike for their advise - finally ladies & gentlemen.. its FINALLY connected.. i've never been so happy to see the word 'CONNECTED' after diginet..

out of the blue..

:)

im not even sure how i did it.

so.. out of the above - which one did u think i choose?

no PINK.. :(

got la earlier models.. but didnt get very good review.. so i think for now i made the right choice..

though my bro, RK said i should've waited for Mac iPad to come out...

like i said.. well... i can always have the option of selling this one off to LK.. hahhaha.. and get that if - big IF there.. errrr... should the need arises..
colour: red scarlett.. the seller said.. GOT FENGSHUI one.. haha.. which is true..
its about 10 inches.. so screen is small but i have no complains..
battery good. can lasts for 11 hours..
doesnt get heat-y that fast..
system all very eSKay friendly...
kinda light.. easy to bring everywhere.. now if only its a little bit smaller ..
8inches.. should be fine with me..

ya.. very much my ideal thought on what i want..

the slack part is that no CD/DVD drive.. yup.. will have to invest on that one.. but then again i dun really need that.. all my movies are saved in my external hard drive..

so basically.. everything is A-O.K.

see... its so easy to please me..

im a happy woman today.

:)

p.s.
drive safe u.
hope to c u soon
:)

Twenties Girl

By: Sophie Kinsella

sometimes, i look at the book i currently read - to answer the question i knew myself..

anyways...

here goes some snippets from the book...

"Its not enough to believe.

You could spend your whole life hoping and believing. If a love affair is one-sided, then its only ever a question.

Never an answer.

You cannot live your life waiting for an answer. You can want and want and want. If he doesn't want you back, then you might as well wish the sky were red.

I've been such an idiot in the past.

It feels like i'm finally stepping out of some trance. I was so busy chasing after him, so desperate, so sure of myself, i never looked closely enough at what i was chasing.

I never stopped to ask if he really was the answer."

this book is a departure from what ms kinsella usually wrote. while her other books makes you laugh till you pee from the very first page, she kinda mellowed down abit here. there are still that part where it makes you smile - or chuckle - though.

i was looking for a good laugh. kinda needed that.

but departure or not, it was a good read nonetheless.

.
.
.
.
p.s.
happy valentine's day.
you.
wherever you are.

The Beach

hmmm..

i realised i didnt even post my blog about my bali trip and that was like almost a year ago? and now.. few trips later.. there seems to be alot of my draft blogs that are yet to be approved..

of course, im also the decision maker..
but.. still half way la..

so we shall see how this one goes..

well.. what can i say about krabi??

it was just simply A.M.A.Z.i.N.G.

yup.. kinda need to spell that one out one by one.. coz, believe you me.. even if you are not a beach person.. this place WILL and i do mean W.i.L.L. transform you..

*although i have to admit, the only reason why im suddenly a beach-freak is because there were just too many hotties to drooolllllllllllllllll on*

literally...

not a bus load full of them.. there - its a boat load full of that testosterone..
damnnn.

*take deep - very deepppppppppppp nafas*

if it doesnt kill you - it'll only make you stronger..
though im not sure how is that relevant here.. hahaha. im wierd. remember?

*by the way, ignore the one behind behind me with the belly :)

i was not talking about him.. hehhehe

*of course, when i talk beaches.. i meant those beaches that is/are frequented by those hotties* so.. sorry to say.. PD or TA (*whoopsie!!!*) doesnt make the cut here..

*would u like to bring me to your country?*

hehhehe

im such a biatch here hah!!!

like i said, IF ONLY i dun have principle to live by... *not like i do but back then - i did* i would totally be a gone case.. hahhah.. oh my.. my auntie-auntie.. make sure u read fast and ignore whatever comes to your mind.

im a sweet girl.. really..

*show innocent face like hush puppy* betul ni.. all innocent girl to the core..

*try not to vomit ur lunch/dinner k* dun believe everything you read.. or see.. there's always a story behind a story.. :)

like in this case... behind my coke *yes. i drink coke in krabi. another amazing thing! coz its not usually my cup of tea* thats where me and my friend stayed. smacked in the middle of that town.

and we asked ourselves - how to sleep like that??

make sure you go round and round and round.. till your kaki begegar..

- like go see nemo...
- or go snorkeling in the middle of the sea.. this part memang best.

- or go suntaning... but please apply lots and lots of sunscreen.. menyesal oh.. if not.

or just walk/sit by the beach side.. enjoy whatever 'scenery' that is..

and u get so tired.. till senyum pun cannot already...

all u wanted to do is sleep.. of course - dun forget to get a good - a very good massage *sampai tutup-tutup mata one* then go to bedfordshire..

*me think*

otherwise, go bungee jumping.. *mental note to self*

- or island hopping.. :D

- or if time permits - why not go for scuba diving...? *mental note-again*

apparently.. there's this "thing" about divers..

- hmmmm... cant really comment on that part right?? without putting me in serious trouble.. hahha..

of course, my mother, had she found out earlier that i'm going to krabi, she'll be all worried and thinking about tsunami happening.. so... rest assured that there are places to run to.. at least this warning is everywhere in krabi.

how far is 200m anyway??

well, im sure i can run like hell as if kena kejar by anjing gila kan... sure can one.. if i have the stamina to go up fast on this steps (all 1200++ of them)... then all should be fine...

or in the word of President Obama himself, "YES WE CAN!" and in the spirit of Msia Boleh.. sure can one...

hmmm...

i *heart* krabi.. and i wanna go back there one of these days..

- leave nothing but footprints..

- take nothing but memories..

and that said, thats the end of my trip.. for now..

*muah muah*

p.s. can someone bring me there...
please-please pretty please with sugar cream on top?
cruella - how?

p.p.s. happy 62nd birthday dadi-kutZ..
may u be blessed with good health & wealth all through this year and the years to come.
me loves you.. *hug hug*

almost paradise..

the place was as beautiful as i imagined it to be.
as much as my 'spirit' was elsewhere some part of the time.. i had fun.

and.. didnt meet my leonardo there. the choice was endless tho.
if only i didnt have principle then. haha.

will blog more about krabi when i get the mood.

p.s. wish you were there, cruella.