Hand of Hope

"The tiny hand of 21-week-old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life."


When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

there's always hope...

the Ex-factor

i didnt think my heart could drop any lower.
but apparently.. it can happen.

i was just sitting there with my friends.. laughing.. and talking.. and laughing.. and talking.. and i didnt really anticipate this.. God knows i didnt plan any of it.

of course at the back of my mind.. i did kinda hope it would happen. i knew he was working @ the restaurant.. i just didnt know that it was THAT particular branch. not like i know whether there's any other branches around here anyway.. so.. i dunno what made me suggested the place in the first place..

i so dun wan to be that super stalker coz i wasn't. i am not.
*evil laugh*

even if he's there... i thought i was only gonna get to see a glimpse of him from afar.. probably on the way to the ladies or something.. which means that there would be a lot of trip to the ladies just to have that glimpse.. or two.. or three.. or four..

ok. u get the picture right.

my friends were all into it.. we'll hold your hand through it all and all that shit.. yeah yeah.. big talk only that.

so... we were sitting there.. and a familiar face walked towards the bar.. and sit there. still oblivious to this one particular girl whom was staring *while polluting the air that was already polluted*

and i have this goosebump all over.. one minute i feel cold. next i was hot. all over. i was sweating (without the actual sweat) but im shivering from the inside out. its all so very confusing. my mind stop working. my heart literally forget how its suppose to function. to beat or not to beat..

beat la u effing shit. i need to breath..
breath.
breath.

*fcuk... its him* told my friends. they all knew about him a long time ago.

and its been so long.. so long - infact - more than a decade since i last saw him.. the last time we actually spoke (*FB doesnt count*) was that last day when he said his last 'goodbye'.. and in my head i said 'see you later'..

it was not a *situation* i would place my self into. ever. again.

how do one act when one see their 'once upon a time' love of their life (literally!!) sitting right across? what is the procedure? do you smile? do you acknowledge each other? do you pretend? i have other ex-s but i maintain contact with most of them.. you know all that 'still friend' crap... and it works for me.. that 'still-friend' crap is totally not just b.s.

it can happen.
i dun really get the *clean-break* *past-is-past* concept anyway. no matter how much i said the mantra in my head. i just cant agree with the concept. and, mask all out of the window. that is truly not me.

coz no matter what happens in your life.. good or bad. they were once yours. you were once theirs. and they have seen (*or experienced*) the worst of you and the best (*if there is. of course there is!!*) of you. they know how your mindset works. they know how conniving li'l evil (*at times*) you can be. they know how you would walk through fire for them (*one way of saying it*)

its true. only they know.
*family doesnt count*

and this guy.. he knows me.
and i would say - inside out.

i never had the chance to put on this mask of angel before things happened with him.

we never had the chance to become friends. before and after.
it was *something* at first sight. wham bham. we were inseparable since. we were comfortable with each other even before i can spell comfortable.

*i waved*
*he waved*

fcuk.

and i dun even know how to order drinks when all this while, i'll definitely order wine.

"hi"
"hi. how are you?"
"im fine. how are you?"
"good. good."

*i smile*
*he smile* - that smile.

*can i die now???* - i asked myself.

no need to go into detail la.. suffice to say.. we talked for a while. about the menu. - my friends were good in pretending like nothing happened.

he went back to where he was. at the bar. i looked around.

*what the hell is he doing sitting there??? i cant do anything! i cant even form proper conversation. i cant even eat for crying out loud.*

"you should go and talk to him.." a friend suggested.
"go there. talk to him."

fcuk. i am so not gonna do that.

12am. HE arranged for a tiramisu to be sent out. it was my friend's bday (*happy birthday woman!!!* now go pray for me!!!*) so, that was nice of him. not like we didnt think of that in the first place anyway. the whole crowd sang. or at least us and the staffs..

he came over. said his bday wishes. common friend. so, i get that.
"why dont you sit with us?" a friend suggested to him.

*he is so gonna get it later.*

HE sat.

i just want the night to be over and done with.
my tongue is no longer functioning. how do i speak when i cant even form a proper sentence?

ok. when im nervous.. my vocabulary is very very limited. my words will all jumble up even i cant understand what im talking about.

*pollute air some more*

my friend is very good in making conversation *more like crap* just to get the ball rolling.

i turned to him.
he turned to me.

and words just came out from my mouth.
we talked. we laughed. we *bongo* each other.
- words we used last time which equivalent to being sarcastic. or outright talk.

no mask. no b.s.

and wa-lah.. 1.5 hours later... i survived.

what was it i was nervous about in the first place?

today i have my very own closure.
it was a very nice impromptu meet up. i couldnt have planned it any other way.

*it would be nice though if had a brad pitt sitting beside me*

but even then. im happy today.

for today, i have a new friend.

after all these years, today, he is no longer this ex i feel the need to curse from afar when i feel that *history* sipping into my system and reminds me the pain i needed to forget.

- past is *finally* past.

and to you A.. it was nice meeting you after all these years. after all this wondering when the hell am i gonna see you again. thank you for being nice and not cringe and scream and run towards the opposite direction.

*of course nobody does that to me - just so we are clear on that subject*

- think of london. think of me.

i guess its true what they said.
- what happens in london. stays in london.

*ok. leave vegas out of this. this is my blog!!!*

a chapter close.
a new door opens somewhere else.

its about time.

:)

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having said that..

damn im hungry now!!
i cant eat

- remember?????

Damn Viking!!!

im not really into the series.. you know the one on tv.. True Blood?? was it?

hahha... i do follow the series. of course. not a Bloodaholics though..

my addiction is specifically on the book.. which the series was based on..

Sookie Stakehouse Novel a.k.a. Southern Vampire Series by Charlaine Harris

ALL 9 of them which i will be reviewing soon.. so.. im not gonna give any details for now.. im just waiting for the new book to come out next month (i.e. 8 short stories compilations) then maybe.

im also blaming the book on my lack of sleep for the past 1 week.. my concentration level has been over the top haywire.. ok. maybe not the book.
but a particular person who made my life a living-*heaven* since i know him.

:)

behold!

the viking vampire - Eric Northman.

he is just soooooooooo.....

*stomach butterfly*

o_O

*make that butterfly all over*

:)i mean... look at that??
brad pitt who??

:P

are u team eric?

coz im definitely NOT team bill.

*yup... d.e.f.i.n.i.t.e.l.y.*

............................................. yoOoouZzzaaaA! damn!

is that even legal??
there should be pill for this!

*cant breath*
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*need air*
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*need air*
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*breath deeply*
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p.s. i cant choose whether i should wish to be that water or that bathtub!
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p.p.s. on the other hand.. opps.. auntie-auntie sekalian..

haha.

Twilightolic Anonymous

ya.. if you had watched VMA then i believe you may have seen this trailer... tell you the truth, its more like a sypnosis of what the story is all about.

New Moon that is.
so.. im not sure whether there's any other surprises out there..

well.. the way i look at it - the movie trailer is usually to fulfill the thirst of all "book-twilight" fan. Im saying "book-twilight" fan coz im one of them coz (almost) a year had past since "movie-twilight" and i still cannot understand the edward-robert fanatics out there..

he is still very very NOT the book-Edward..
not in my head anyway..

well.. back to the trailer.. it doesnt disappoint the book. from the gist that we can see., which is already alot - i think. even with the wrong casting on some of the lead-character (minus Jacob!!) - i am so looking forward to the movie.

-

thank you hollywood for the best pre-2nd birthday present.

:)

la'er.

for a friend..

a very good friend of mine is getting married this december.

which im happy about.. its just that, she had a request.. a very big one i must say.. for me to write a poem for her..

i dont even know how to make word rhymes.. not that i want it rhymes.. but u know what i mean right..

well, the due date to come up with one is coming up soon.. so, having nothing better to do during the holidays.. i might as well come up with something now.. coz if i dont do it now... i'll never get it done.. and well.. its not an easy task i must say..

here's what i come up with after hours trying to crack my brain..

you will start a journey today
to be made ONE out of two
a life we talked about
when we had our sleepover

when you say 'I DO'
and fill my eyes with tears of happiness
my heart will smile
for you have found him
a man to be called your husband

from this day forward
you shall not walk alone
his heart will be your shelter
and his arms will be your home

my heartiest congratulations
from the deepest of my soul
walking down the aisle is just the beginning
and im honoured to be a part of this day.

all my love,
eSKay

thats just the first draft i came up with.. well.. not really the first one.. it was long at first.. and i tried to cut out alot of unimportant parts... the history and all..

i just dont have this poetic bone in me.. but i thought it sounded acceptable.. dont you think?

well.. nothing can beat carrie bradshaw's

His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"

now... how come i cant come up with something like that??

hmmm...

L.A. Candy

By: Lauren Conrad

I'm sure by now, u think u know Lauren Conrad. she's also known as L.C. the girl whom we've seen growing up from the MTV show - Laguna Beach.. then later to The Hills.

Its a reality show..

In case if u never heard of it before.. google it.. and watch it.

u can watch the whole show in MTV.com..

there's alot of drama.. at times u feel like kick them nicely on the butt.. or on their head.. maybe then, it'll be less drama..

anyway.. this is LC's debut novel..

its about Jane & her bestfriend, Scarlett who moved to L.A. to start a new life.. and were approached by a famous producer (which they didnt know at first) during one of their nightouts to be a star in this reality show : L.A. Candy - well, a reality version of the Sex & The City..

Thus, the title.

if u had watched the show before, Laguna Beach or The Hills.. then, alot of the 'scenes' in the book may hit home run. abit predictable at times but nice & relatable nonetheless..

u get to see the 'behind the scene' footage and u get to understand the mind of these girls being in the reality show.. and of course, there's always this one girl whom had sold her soul to the devil (well, not literally) and will go all the way to make Jane's life a living hell..

or, in the word of reality show.. D.R.A.M.A..

reality show wont work without the drama.. and this book wont work without the drama.. and drama... always always comes with the boys..

dont they always?

u may recognise the boys as well.. Braden a.k.a. Brody and Jesse a.k.a. Jason..

its a good read. its nice for once being able to put face onto the character in the book which is supposedly fictitious.. but we know better..

so. go read this.
u wont regret it.

over and out.

..clap. clap. clap.

dun mind my face..

its the book yang penting.. heh!!

finally the latest Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol came out today.. almost wanted to fake sickness... faint in the office or something to the like effect.

unfortunately.. i had few appointments today.. so, after work decided to stop by @ IOI Mall.. just to buy this much anticipated book.. very much anticipated to me.. not sure what the rest of the world feels.. its the sequel to Da Vinci Code.. although, i dont think it has anything to do with the holy grail or mother Mary even..

then again... i cant be sure..

coz, so far i've only read the first page (the first few lines only)..
muahhahahah..

sedih i want to baca cepat-cepat.. dunno when is he gonna write again - mau tunggu ni pun feels like million years.. so, i might as well enjoy it while it lasts..

so.. i cant really be writing any review now.. give me a few days..

argghhh... i wish its weekend already..

looks like im gonna have another sleepless night tonite.. errr.. now.. errr.. later..
like that la..

ugh!! gotta go and read now..
penting ni!!

later dude!

... i am at my best.. m.e.s.s.y.

i finally get my room in order.. and i am so overly proud of my self..

coz if u r a regular in my room.. its messy.. and if u think messy is ok... believe me its not.. when i say messy.. its 'i cant see the floor' messy...

i almost give names to whatever country almost developing there.. right there on the floor..


its that bad.. books everywhere..

yup.. coz for few months now.. i dun have enough shelf to put the books where it should be.. and finally.. last few weekends.. i finally bought enough not just to put everything i own.. but enough for my future purchase.

i no longer had to look where i step if i were to walk around my room.. not that its big to begin with.. but enough la..

and that is a good thing..

i am by nature clean.. im just messy.. its the same as my life..
i guess its a reflection of what going on inside my head..

the slack part is that.. now that its surprisingly c.l.e.a.n. (yeah!! u people needs to buy lottery ni!!) i cant seem to find anything.. and i used to know where everything is even if its at the corner of my room somewhere on the floor under the bed..

so.. basically, now my head in a mess trying to figure out where everything is..

anyway..

i guess..
thats about it for now..

over and out.

gDamnnn..

this is hot.. dun u think??
if im elena.. i'll die then & there..

vampire diaries.
few days to go...

u people.. go & read the book first..
bearing in mind that the book came out a decade before twilight.

over & out.