Mou Pai....

See what happened when we played Lap Lap Fu...


First.... Tun Fa Soon...


Second.... No small number.... Not so sure on the terms...

"Declare" la.. What else...


Third....again.... same as above....


Lastly... Three Kingdom..

Back home i call it "3 kampung" but apparently its suppose to be "3 negara"...

Oh well...

Did i mention i got the cards 4 times consecutively....

Nice eh?

Escape from reality

Sometimes I wonder if I'm well read...

My Name is Memory

by : Ann Brashares

Daniel : I have lived more than a thousand years. I have died countless of times.

no. i didnt pick the book coz of the character.

It was the writer first. the title second. and the character - well.. that just made my decision easier.

if u are into soulmates - and somehow, at the back of your mind believe that people never really that far from their soul-groups.. well.. this might just be the book for you to feed on your belief.

it doesnt have to be true.
or real.

u believe what you have to - a survival instinct.

anyway, the story is about daniel. he's an old soul. when i say old soul - he really is an old soul. the thing that separate him from the rest of us is that he can remember.

he remembers each and every life.

its a story of his original sin. and for every lifetime, he search for her - for redemption i guess. for for thousands of years - he could never right the wrong he had done. it was always over before it even began.

of course, the story is about his present life. after centuries of searching and wanting her - he'll finally have that chance. and he'll bring you back to all those years from the very beginning.

the book ends with me 'almost' crying my heart out...
im not sure why coz its not really an ending. but it sure feels like one. and im not too sure if its a happy ending. coz it doesnt seem like it is.

or maybe, im just missing the character.
more than life itself.

Daniel : I have fallen in love, and she is the one who endures. I killed her once and died for her many times over and I still have nothing to show for it. I always search for her; i always remember her. I carry the hope that someday she will remember me.

The Last Vampire Series

by: Christopher Pike

u know people said, never judge a book by its cover.

well, with books.. the covers are everything.

this is one of them books that pulled me towards it.

i flipped through the first page. Read the first line. and that's it.

the rest as they said, is history.

apparently, the book is a compilation of few stories written back in the early 90s. thanks to twilight - books that were overlook before now are coming out - becoming bestseller - getting the credits it rightfully deserved.

a decade too late. but better late than never.

Thirst : No. 1

The story is about Sita.. well, she goes by many names.. yes. she's a vampire. and she has been for the past 5000 years.

she's strong. she's fast. she can walk under the sun. she's a millionaire - and times that by the millions. like duh.. after 5000 years? of course la.

somehow, her maker returns and hunting her down. and her quest in finding that out lead her to Ray. whom she eventually fell in love with.

ok.. u'd think its like another twilight hah.. well.. the writer is a guy. so.. believe me when i say, the romance part and all those chick part were kept to a minimum. in fact, its more like action - fightings - blood - hmmm...

but, somehow, im hooked.

Thirst : No. 2

well.. sita finally get to be a human here.

and not only that - she gets to be a mother. and baby kalika is craving for blood.

and more blood.

and more blood.

and did i say, blood??? Sita had to literally kidnap an unwilling blood donor and locked him up in a room for supplies.

and sita met a woman whom is also on the verge of giving birth to the 'could-he-be' the 2nd coming. and evil is hunting them.

sita must save the world.

u might not like the ending.

im almost disappointed.

i did say almost.
it is supposed to be the final chapter.

Thirst : No. 3

one fine day.. i was browsing through looking for new books to read. imagine my surprise seeing the familiar cover.

still remembering what happened in the last book, i flipped through the first page.

owh yes!

the ending that made me disappointed was somehow reverse.

mr pike made her come back. somehow it made sense.

here, sita traced down her descendants. she found teri. a human version of her. a new kind of old enemy resurface.

again.. alot of fighting.

new character is being introduced.
and im loving him already.

Thirst : No. 4

errrr.. not so sure what's happening here.

coming out August 2011.
lama-nyer lagi...

by the way..
here's the good news.

FilmNation Entertainment recently acquired the rights to the series of novels, seven total, and plans to adapt the story into a film, or series of films. FilmNation's president of production, Aaron Ryder, states the company's excitement and anticipation in "the opportunity to bring to life one of the best characters of young adult fiction."

seee...

isn't that just great?

well.. let the casting begin.

christmas billboards everywhere...

now.. wouldn't it be nice if we have it here.. everywhere..

Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve. Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age.

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

lessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.

At Christmas, all roads lead home.

There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.

I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!

christmas tree - checked.

this is a collective effort and years of collecting those ornaments.. lightings ... and what not.

and after all these years.. let me just say this.. its still not enough. we still gonna have to buy some more for next year.

the task for each of us has always been the same throughout the years..

CK took out all the stuff out of the store room - way before my 2nd birthday... put up the xmas tree.. get ready all those ornaments.. and then bugged everybody on a nightly basis.. 'pasangla cepat....'

VSK then put up the lights.. eventuallly.. after giving respect to my 2nd birthday.. coz i insisted it every year! every branches yo!

SK - me.. i did the decorating part. big ones way way inside.. small ones spread out all over the tree.. shiny ones must be placed somewhere near the lights to have that glowing effect..

MK... she's jack of all trade... tunggu arahan ja.. heeeeee....

in the past, we used to have theme for our christmas tree.. white christmas.. gold christmas.. blue christmas.. this year.. its all the colours of christmas.

there's pink - blue - gold - white - red - errrr... thats about it.

i super- heart that small pink present box ornaments coz it literally glows whether the lights are on or not... and ms pinky are all over the lower part of the tree..

and me thinks it looks very very lovely. im loving it!
though i wish there's more GOLD ornaments.

*mental note - 2011*

well.. good luck CK in taking it down next year. not an easy job i tell u.

over and out.

Few weeks before xmas..

Supposed to be shopping for xmas presies...

End up with a dilemma..

Buy black or white ??
(for me-self!!)


Hi gina...

Silence has the loudest voice.

ok.. im still not myself. arggghhh... im hating the situation more and more now. and i found out that its very hard to get back on track no matter how much i tried.

some days im fine as though nothing can break me.
and it only takes a second, just to make all that strength i built vanished.

and to tell u the truth.. im not sure who to blame. me? or mr cruella himself.

recent events or rather, a slapped of reality hit me last nite. a great man who bears a great resemblance to mr cruella himself *as in their names* mentioned few stuff about how men operates - and if i were to close my eyes - it feels as though mr cruella himself was there to explain stuff to me.

let me tell u our story.

*oppps... i just deleted it. i just cut & paste it in another blog post* - one fine day then.

for now.. suffice to say that our story goes on for a decade. truth is - its not even a love story. maybe a bit. but mostly, its about a friendship (with an edge) that grows with time that goes through distance, technology and series of other unfortunate events that shouldnt have survived had mr c been any other tom, dick & harry.

whatever it is.. we were friends first. and something else comes in second.

and as much as i missed mr c like hell... *like literally* - i missed his friendship more. he had been my pillar of strength. whose advise i listened to. whose opinion i most seek though i do argue over it from every single angle there is /are just for argument-sake. whose approval means more than i can explain.

we rarely agree on any subject.
he likes to look stuff at a bigger picture.
i like to pick on the smallest of details.
nothing worries him.
everything worries me.

we moved on a different orbit altogether.

and finally - meteor strikes.
and everything went silent.

and here i am trying to pick up the pieces. though im not sure what am i collecting anymore. im not sure even if its worth collecting.

hope is a dangerous thing.
without it, the world seems nothing.
u just want it to end.

"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings,
but silence can break your heart."

p.s.

"where are thou mr president?"

reasons..

starlight. starbright.

'eSKay?'

'hoOyaaaaa!!!'

that is how u answer them when u r addressed to or taking instruction. something equivalent to 'yes sir!' (*think army style)..

welll.. at times i do get a little crazy with my activities.

i love taking up new things.. try it at least ONCE...

*click on pic to find more details*

so.. my friend & i eagerly signed up for this bootcamp. its a 'bring-a-friend' day. in other words - its free. yup. F.O.C.

*love the sound of it!

kiasu mah..

what happens there..

well... its torture..
(* think MY standard)

im not really into mr exercise. mr exercise and me doesnt really go well together..
we are like 'hi-bye' enemy. we acknowledge each other..
but that is as far as my relationship goes with mr exercise.

and this morning (like 545-645am).. the thing i had to do in the name of 'doing new things'..
omg..

i supposed its easier for some highly energized people with super duper over the top full of stamina dosage - overflowing even. then can run - plunge - stretch - jump - all over the place like some energizer bunny - 1 hour non stop.

"no.. dont stop... later u'll lose ur momentum..."
"u can do it girl.. go! go! go!"

damn..
can i just die already?
i literally took a time out in the middle of it - claiming nausea & seeing stars..

at the end of it, my friend said it was ok..

i quote, OKlor.. 50-50.. not so hard also. unquote.
blardy biatch.
*dush.dush*

and there me - looking all wet and almost to the pengsan stage.
my kaki all bergegar... breathing in breathing out..

'u need oxygen inside.. breath in and out' they said.

i would roll my eyes but i was already looking at stars.. so.. i dont really fancy creating more effects on those stars that was already on my screen saver.

oh well..

*give myself a pat on my back.

good job girl.
u tried ur very best.
even if its not really the best.

i got up at 430 a.m. for this.

now
- how do you beat that?

change is gonna come

its less than 2 months to new year.. and i cant even remember what was my resolution this year. was there any?

well.. truthfully, i have not been myself for the past few months. since september - to be exact. i thought it was just a phase at first. bad month.

and the trend continues.
october - another bad month.
there's always one issue after another.

it turns out november being the worst ever.
in stock market terms - ALL TIME LOW.

im on the verge of bursting into tears. anytime. anywhere.
my heart in constant pain. it beats at a faster rate. its hard to even breath. it hurts to even breath. at some point i wish i stop breathing totally.

im being tested. professionally. personally. home-ly. financially.
the four corners that made me - ME.

taking painkillers every hour or so doesnt help coz i realise it doesnt really kill the pain your soul is feeling.

and i resorted to sleep.
and sleep.
and sleep.
and i cant eat. and when i do eat - i eat as much as i can to make do those times that i wont or cant eat.

my undergarments are getting looser and looser. serious shit. but im still fat as ever.
best diet regime ever.

i miss my long hair. i seriously hate my hair now. and i promise i wont ever ever cut it off ever again.

*trim doesnt count*

it feels like i lost my 'power' when i cut it. u know, like samson.
was it samson?

at times, i need a shoulder. i seriously & desparately need a shoulder. i need to cry out and let it all out off my system. but im not very good in that... not with everyday people. and stuff are building up in my system - as i write - and i dont think getting pissed drunk is the answer. coz i dont want to say stuff i cant erase. and i dont want to share stuff that id rather bring to my grave.

had here been hollywood.. i would be diagnosed as having manic depression. but i cant afford to be depressed. one needs to be super rich to indulge in depression mode. and i need to be mentally alert during working hours which i keep on dragging it longer and longer coz i find myself functioning better - mentally - during those times.

maybe i've been here too long. i'm feeling restless all over again.

back in 2004 - i packed up and went back to kk.

so, where can i run away to now?

im like tom hanks. who cant go back and yet cant get out from the airport.

i need to get myself out of this - whatever phase this is.

someone once told me.. reach for the star.. at least when u fall, u'll fall on the moon.
maybe.. what i need is to fall on real ground before i can stand up again.
im still fallling - its a long way from moon to earth.

its gonna hurt soon.
but i cant wait to stand up strong again.
even with all the bruises.

dont ask.

unfortunately missing u...

I wrote your name
on paper on accident

- so I threw it away.

can a soul cry?

p.s.
i miss your shoulder.

All Soul's Day

"how much are you giving?" my dad asked just now as i was driving..

"how much you need?"

"welll.. they are those whom are 'kafir' and no one to pray for them..."

it got me into thinking.. are there more out there that we may have forgotten along the way..?

anyway.. just for all souls day.. im praying for all the souls whom were not given the chance to even live.

Heavenly Father,

Your love is eternal.

In Your ocean of love You saved the world through Your only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ.

Now look at Your Son on the Cross who is constantly bleeding for love of His people and forgive Your world. Purify and baptize aborted children with the Precious Blood and Water from the Sacred Side of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who hung dead on the Cross for their salvation in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

May they, through the Holy Death of Jesus Christ, gain everlasting life, through His wounds be healed and through His Precious Blood be freed; there to rejoice with the Saints in Heaven.

Amen.

"...Through this prayer large numbers of innocent unborn babies will be saved, pray it daily and make it known to the world. Baptize them with this prayer..."

peyton unedited.

"Someone once told,
there's nothing wrong with fairy tales.
Everyone ends up happily ever after in the end."



"Imagine a future moment in your life
where all your dreams come true.
You know, it's the greatest moment of your life
and you get to experience it with one person.
Who's standing next to you?"


"Pretty please with me on top..."


"People are going to disappoint you,
I get that, I kind of expect that.
but, what happens if one day
you wake-up and realize
you are the disappointment?"


"Sometime when you care about someone alot
you just know you will make some kind of mistake
and you end up losing
the person you care the most about
but if you are lucky
you might get a second chance."


"... and so I wish for patience and grace and strength
to just let him be happy.

And mostly I pray for the strength
to not make his life worse because of what I want.
Thats the toughest part, letting go, you know?
That's the part of grace that really sucks."



Yes, there are things about my life that I would miss,
but I'd miss you more"

p.s.
strike 3.

just a thought.

they said..

smoking takes 7 minutes (or at least a few minutes) out of your life-span.

so.. how many do i need to smoke not to see another day?

p.s.

Just gonna stand there
and hear me cry
but that's alright
because I love the way you lie
- Rihanna

this is me.

haha. early this morning..

a sis of mine sent a mass email to my other sis & i
- with a note..

"this is specially for eSKay"

kabret..

which i really think really does described myself.

- MONDAY -

*mad as hell*

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.

- TUESDAY -
*slowly coming out of it*
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.
.

- WEDNESDAY -
*...but not quite there yet. so, watch it!*
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.
.

- THURSDAY -
*the end of the week is in sight*
.
.
.
.
.

- FRIDAY & SATURDAY -
*need u ask?*
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- SUNDAY -
*uh-oh*
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- SUNDAY NIGHT -
*here we go again*

p.s.
i miss u, jantan kabret.

not official yet..

"how come you're not out partying?"

10-15 years ago.. i would have. now, its the last thing i even contemplate to do.

though - there will be a wining session this weekend. *lets hope the climbing bits didnt go overboard that i totally given up the idea of having a session*

its still the early hours of my new age. do i feel any different? no. but i do wish somehow some kind of wisdom bestowed upon me where i would feel more mature. more collected. u know more like an adult rather than going from one day to the next not exactly knowing where she's heading to.

its not like new year where you can make a new start. though one shouldn't wait for that new year to make that new start..

owell - whatever works for u..

but i was looking at the mirror earlier for the longest time to check if there's any new 'line of wisdom' making an appearance on my face.

and lately, i am starting to question about alot of things in my life. whether its worth going after. or whether its time to give up everything and start all over again in a new environment.

coz lets face it. there's not much to stick out for wherever i am now.
for now - all i can say is that - 'hope' is very a weird concept.

nevertheless - whatever life throws at me - i'll say, bring it on.
i'm through understanding what life is all about.

coz life is just that. good or bad. it goes on. it doesnt wait for you to figure it all out.

my life has always been complicated anyway.
it started out complicated. as i grow into adulthood - it became very VERY complicated.
as im trying the life of an adult - it became even more complicated.
now - its just as complicated as ever.

so.. on that note.. happy birthday me :)

i am now officially a mature and responsible adult who has the necessary wisdom to make important decisions in life.
*vomit blood*

damn im old !

hmmm.. ok. the countdown to my 2nd bday begins.
see what i mean when i said complicated?
hah!!

p.s.
u asked me what i wanted.
u?
told u.
u cant afford it.

boulder attempt

i love climbing.
not really into bouldering though.

back in early May this year, it started out as a getaway.

to make myself occupied so as not to think about 'stuff' as much - which is really uncalled for.

and i fell in love with the game.


i was good (on a beginner level) in it and totally committed.

but i do have my off days. and for the whole month of september and i guess maybe this month too.. are my off days. or rather off months.

i'm losing my 'mojo' - in the words of one of my climber buddy. im just not into it as much as i wanted to.

my grip was (and still is) not as strong. my endurance are gone with the wind. my stamina (whatever that is) is totally below zero.

i need to jump up & down and get that cherry to gain back that long lost energy and determination. *think super mario* hehe..


but it didnt stopped me from entering into competition just to push me. to see how far i've gone.

believe me when i said, i havent gone that far yet.

im back to the very beginning of my climbing days. sad but very oh so true.

after the last pic on top, i fell..

in my hearts of hearts, i know i can do better.
just not now.

give me time.

*dush.dush.air*
with 'eye of a tiger' soundtrack at the background.


(all pics are courtesy to the photographer En MFairuz during the recent M'sian Xtreme Sprts N'nal C/ship - all curi from FB. hah!!)

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p.s.

wish u could be there to support me, cruella.
even if its only in spirit.

drowning.

When you're drowning....

you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,'

You. Just. Scream.

- John Lennon
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p.s. im screaming now.

i know him so well..

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much
For far too long

Looking back I could have played it differently
Won a few more moments - Who can tell
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know
I know him well

Wasn't it good?
(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?
(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness - He can't be mine?
But in the end he needs a little bit
More than me
More security
He needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well



No-one in your life is with you constantly
No-one is completely on your side
And though I'd move my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide

Looking back
(Looking back)
I could have played it differently
(I could have played it some other way)
Learned about the man before I fell
(I was just a little careless)
But I was ever so much younger then
(Maybe, so much younger then)
Now at least I know - I know him well

Wasn't it good?
(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?
(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness - He won't be mine?

Didn't I know?
How it would go,
If I knew from the start
Why am I falling apart?

Wasn't it good
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness - He won't be mine?

But in the end
He needs a little bit
More than me
More security
He needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well.

It took time to understand him
I know him so well.

p.s.
Love me - and the world is mine.
~David Reed

short prayer.

My Lord God,
through whom strength is made perfect in weakness,
I pray to you, give me the strength I need.

You have said,
that to your children who have no might,
you will increase strength.

I am weak.

Bless me with a measure of strength,
as may be sufficient for me.

When I am tempted by evil - deliver me,
by granting me the power to overcome it.

When my daily work is too hard for me,
give me the strength to be able to do it.

If my burden oppresses me beyond my bearing,
lighten my load,
that my strength may be equal to it.

You have helped many,
I beg You to help me.

Thank you my Lord

new public enemy

Mr Pinky's Owner asked me, 'Do you eat weird food?'

Im from that land below the wind. of course i eat weird food. duh.

*eyes rolling rolling*

*HIM* : 'that worm in bamboo shoot?'

well.. in my head - i kinda thought of 'butot'.. u know.. that white fat worm..

and yes..

a very very VERY long time ago.. with super emphasis on the very part.. i ate it like keropok.. obviously, after its fried and all..

then..

eSKay : 'ehhhh... bamboo shoot got worm?'

*Him* : 'nah.. its the same like lala.. clams.. u know'

eSKay : 'okkkkk... thats not so weird then.. im ok with weird food...'

so eksi one kan.. heeeee

something like this came to our table... of course i didnt think of taking pictures last night.. but it looks exactly like the above pic.. just change the bawang with long beans..

*yeah.. i googled the pix.. :D*


eSKay : *wth!!* 'what is that?'

*Him* : 'its like bamboo shell.. but its from the sea'

eSKay : 'how come i've never seen it before?'

*Him* : 'you sure you've seen ALL the fishes in the sea?'

blah. blah. blah..

*malas sia oh!*

thing is.. it looks over the top weird that there should be a new definition for weird.

its like *kerudut.kerudut* then - got pointed tip..

and if i dunno any better.. it almost look like that *li'l dude*.. u know!!!.. THAT dude.. apparently, the guys referred it as some non-existence supermega dude..

but thats beside the point..

:)

anyways..

i was still curious and went over to the stall where Mr Pinky's Owner ordered it from..

eSKay : 'helooo... ini apa nama ah?'

unknown owner cum cook : 'bamboo clam'

seriously???

so.. i googled some more since i need to know what it looks like underwater..

and well.. i never really seen it before..

ewwww...

another 'thing' added to my 'public-enemy' list.

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.
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p.s.

mrP *b4 StepUp* : we can always catch step up 1st..
then resident evil some other day..
.
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mrP *after StepUp* : omg. u made me watch this!!!


men!
*dush.dush*