peyton unedited.

"Someone once told,
there's nothing wrong with fairy tales.
Everyone ends up happily ever after in the end."



"Imagine a future moment in your life
where all your dreams come true.
You know, it's the greatest moment of your life
and you get to experience it with one person.
Who's standing next to you?"


"Pretty please with me on top..."


"People are going to disappoint you,
I get that, I kind of expect that.
but, what happens if one day
you wake-up and realize
you are the disappointment?"


"Sometime when you care about someone alot
you just know you will make some kind of mistake
and you end up losing
the person you care the most about
but if you are lucky
you might get a second chance."


"... and so I wish for patience and grace and strength
to just let him be happy.

And mostly I pray for the strength
to not make his life worse because of what I want.
Thats the toughest part, letting go, you know?
That's the part of grace that really sucks."



Yes, there are things about my life that I would miss,
but I'd miss you more"

p.s.
strike 3.

just a thought.

they said..

smoking takes 7 minutes (or at least a few minutes) out of your life-span.

so.. how many do i need to smoke not to see another day?

p.s.

Just gonna stand there
and hear me cry
but that's alright
because I love the way you lie
- Rihanna

this is me.

haha. early this morning..

a sis of mine sent a mass email to my other sis & i
- with a note..

"this is specially for eSKay"

kabret..

which i really think really does described myself.

- MONDAY -

*mad as hell*

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- TUESDAY -
*slowly coming out of it*
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- WEDNESDAY -
*...but not quite there yet. so, watch it!*
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- THURSDAY -
*the end of the week is in sight*
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- FRIDAY & SATURDAY -
*need u ask?*
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- SUNDAY -
*uh-oh*
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- SUNDAY NIGHT -
*here we go again*

p.s.
i miss u, jantan kabret.

not official yet..

"how come you're not out partying?"

10-15 years ago.. i would have. now, its the last thing i even contemplate to do.

though - there will be a wining session this weekend. *lets hope the climbing bits didnt go overboard that i totally given up the idea of having a session*

its still the early hours of my new age. do i feel any different? no. but i do wish somehow some kind of wisdom bestowed upon me where i would feel more mature. more collected. u know more like an adult rather than going from one day to the next not exactly knowing where she's heading to.

its not like new year where you can make a new start. though one shouldn't wait for that new year to make that new start..

owell - whatever works for u..

but i was looking at the mirror earlier for the longest time to check if there's any new 'line of wisdom' making an appearance on my face.

and lately, i am starting to question about alot of things in my life. whether its worth going after. or whether its time to give up everything and start all over again in a new environment.

coz lets face it. there's not much to stick out for wherever i am now.
for now - all i can say is that - 'hope' is very a weird concept.

nevertheless - whatever life throws at me - i'll say, bring it on.
i'm through understanding what life is all about.

coz life is just that. good or bad. it goes on. it doesnt wait for you to figure it all out.

my life has always been complicated anyway.
it started out complicated. as i grow into adulthood - it became very VERY complicated.
as im trying the life of an adult - it became even more complicated.
now - its just as complicated as ever.

so.. on that note.. happy birthday me :)

i am now officially a mature and responsible adult who has the necessary wisdom to make important decisions in life.
*vomit blood*

damn im old !

hmmm.. ok. the countdown to my 2nd bday begins.
see what i mean when i said complicated?
hah!!

p.s.
u asked me what i wanted.
u?
told u.
u cant afford it.

boulder attempt

i love climbing.
not really into bouldering though.

back in early May this year, it started out as a getaway.

to make myself occupied so as not to think about 'stuff' as much - which is really uncalled for.

and i fell in love with the game.


i was good (on a beginner level) in it and totally committed.

but i do have my off days. and for the whole month of september and i guess maybe this month too.. are my off days. or rather off months.

i'm losing my 'mojo' - in the words of one of my climber buddy. im just not into it as much as i wanted to.

my grip was (and still is) not as strong. my endurance are gone with the wind. my stamina (whatever that is) is totally below zero.

i need to jump up & down and get that cherry to gain back that long lost energy and determination. *think super mario* hehe..


but it didnt stopped me from entering into competition just to push me. to see how far i've gone.

believe me when i said, i havent gone that far yet.

im back to the very beginning of my climbing days. sad but very oh so true.

after the last pic on top, i fell..

in my hearts of hearts, i know i can do better.
just not now.

give me time.

*dush.dush.air*
with 'eye of a tiger' soundtrack at the background.


(all pics are courtesy to the photographer En MFairuz during the recent M'sian Xtreme Sprts N'nal C/ship - all curi from FB. hah!!)

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p.s.

wish u could be there to support me, cruella.
even if its only in spirit.