one of them night.

" dream as if you live forever,
live as if you'll die today. "
- james dean.

the mind is a complex thing that you have no control over no matter how in control you are. im starting to agree with it. though i dont really know what it means.

well.. i do actually.
but i guess, id rather not to.

its october again.
a month i dreaded the most. its 78 days to the new year. but who's counting.

at the start of this year, i told myself im gonna make a difference this year. that this year would be it. but life, as usual, has different plan.

or nothing - to be exact.

i can literally feel the time is passing me by. and im still getting no where. im not sure either if thats good or bad. i really want to believe that this is leading me somewhere. i want to believe that there is something that is worth all this.

maybe im not meant for that larger thing in life - or whatever it is you want to call it. coz whatever that large thing is... i truly dont know what that is.

i wish life is alot more black and white than it is.

no expectation.
no obligation.
no unattainable wishes.

where promises are made to be fulfilled.
where prayers are meant to be answered.
what you see is what you get.
there are no meaning behind every sentence.

but then again,
where's the fun in that.

right?

my days are busy. by nighttime, im just mentally drained that i cant put any more pressure into it coz, lets face it.. i need my brain on full capacity by the next day.

im trying to find time off to get back on track. with my self. but looks like im gonna put that plan on hold til next year.

might as well huh?

*If my doctor told me i had only 6 minutes to live..
i wouldn't brood. i'd type a little faster.
- isaac asimov.

la'er.