... at last....

*im 21. with 34 years of wisdom*

yup.. in other words.. im 34 today..

im not shy to admit that.. but i hate acknowledging the number.. coz another year.. i shall no longer be in the range of early 30s.. i'll be mid-30s.. and yet, i have nothing to show for it.. by nothing, i meant no mr hubby and children which is supposedly fulfilled my life purpose..

or so said the orang tua-tua.. :P

yada yada yada...

and ya ya.. with age comes wisdom.. what wisdom?? big talk only that.. where got wisdom one.. macam biasa ja ni..

its funny how i look at other people my age.. they seemed so together. so matured. so in control of themselves.. and yet - me?? im in a mess... half the time i dunno what im doing. half the time.. i wonder why am i still doing the silliest of mistake which i should've learned a long time ago..

truthfully.. i am still the same as i was during my school days.. i still talk rubbish when im nervous.. i can still 'terpeleot' while walking on flat surface and langgar dinding while im at it.. i can still laugh over something that doesnt make sense *but it makes sense to me*.. i still dunno alot of things in life *but always good in pretending* that i actually know stuff.. i still cry over very short and touching advertisment.. i still cant lie without letting people know im lying.. unless if i plan beforehand.. then im the best actress.. *me thinks*.. i still live in my own lala land.. i dun really have principle but i tried holding on to whats best at any given time...

haha. thats alot of information already..

so u think u know me already..?

im definitely weird.. im not one in a million.. im just weird. and im beginning to like myself that way.

weird is the new normal..
havent u heard?

met an old friend last night.. well.. he said.. 'masih tak nak kalah ah??'
and just to set the record straight.. its not about winning an argument.. though i cant really remember what was it now.. its more about not giving in to everything he said. its argument for argument's sake..

ahem. *winning comes in close second*...

but i hate it when people just put a fullstop to this healthy bantering "bah.. kau la tu menang.."..
damn.. not that i hate *HATE* it.. its just no fun-la like that..

anyway.. had a great time last night with one of my old buddy.. i was at the right place.. im glad for the change of venue last minute.. *my doing* and im seeing the face i wanted to see when the clock strikes 12.. even if its from afar... almost as if im celebrating it with a certain someone back when i was 21.. and imagining that this person actually remembers it with lurveee *ok opps* .. though he didnt. and to know that there was a time when he was forced to remember it no matter what..

i wonder now.. how could he forget?? i didnt forget. so, how could he?
is he only realising it now? if - at all...?

well.. u win some .. u lose some..

and in this case.. i think im definitely on a losing end.. not that i mind.. coz that was one drama i dun think im able to handle.. not for the second time around anyway. haha.. but the idea of it seems to consume me everytime i see the face.. coz i love that face.. i literally love the owner of that face.. well.. u know what i mean.. some thing u just cant help but to feel more than u should.

i think today is a good day.. i was surprisingly calm the whole day.. no difficult client to handle.. my files seems to be all in order.. for today-la.. and it feels like everything is going the way its supposed to go..

on a negative side of it.. i cant imagine tomorrow.. sure something happen ni..

anyway.. thank u all for all the wishes.. really really appreciated.. its nice.

now.. there's only one more thing that could make this day just perfect. just one more thing.
and im still waiting.

:)

yes. its u mr president.

who else?