just a thought...

a friend of mine posted this in his FB note today.. and i guess it just hits me right at the bullseye.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences. You build up this armour, for years, so no one can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life ..... you give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like, "I don't love you anymore", or "I'm in love with someone else", or, "Let's just be friends", turns into a glass splinter, working its way in to your heart, inch by inch in slow motion, cutting, tearing, and poisoning you from inside. It hurts big time, not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

as much as i would like to agree with it - i cant agree with the last part. i dont hate love. i love everything about love. i despise it for the misuse of it. but if its real - its real.

we had discussion the other night over coffee - well its was more like soyabean with crushed ice with cendol & gula melaka, which by the way was heavenly superb!!! (i had 3 glasses by the way in over few hours!) and anyways, it was a conclusion reached at the end of the night that i fall under the heading of "hopers" or those dreamers. basically those people like me lives in their own la-la-land. always believing that there's still hope for some people. that, some may change.

well.. i know they dun. and even if they do, they'll lose that very thing why i love them in the first place.

which lead us to this very virus whom is currently messing up my system. virus to the core and it corrupts the fundemental of the system which was going on great prior to its errr... corruption. putting up firewall is just no use coz one just cant help what one feel. and not that i didnt try. i tried real hard. deleting the very virus just made it worst. and was that love? or was that just pure and simple lust. or a combination of both? either way, as a general rule, virus is not good for the system. im still trying to figure out whether its a good virus or bad virus.

i know one day - when i stop wondering - coz people always say that it'll come when u stop searching - that an anti virus will make an appearance and which i hope will totally delete and diminish whatever that is corrupted - or what corrupting the system to begin with.

but i do so getting used to the virus. im scared if i really let the virus corrupt the very core that made me ME, then the anti-virus will always be the second best.

and that in my book is never a good thing.

until such time comes, if it ever, im so loving the butterflies in the system. the tinggling feeling - how my heart stop and then, start beating at a dangerous rate. yeah after all these times. the virus still able to do that. and even if its a bad virus - this very virus made me smile.

at times.

other times, i just wish my system is free from this particular virus.

so you see.. i dont hate love. i love love.

and i love the virus..

without it, how do i know i need an anti-virus kan.. doesnt make much sense now.

im still figuring it all out.
coz when dealing with virus.. there are no warnings given. then just attack and corrupt.
no explanation. no point of troubleshooting.

maybe one day it will all make sense even to me.
who knows.

kan..