i didnt think my heart could drop any lower.
but apparently.. it can happen.
i was just sitting there with my friends.. laughing.. and talking.. and laughing.. and talking.. and i didnt really anticipate this.. God knows i didnt plan any of it.
of course at the back of my mind.. i did kinda hope it would happen. i knew he was working @ the restaurant.. i just didnt know that it was THAT particular branch. not like i know whether there's any other branches around here anyway.. so.. i dunno what made me suggested the place in the first place..
i so dun wan to be that super stalker coz i wasn't. i am not.
*evil laugh*
even if he's there... i thought i was only gonna get to see a glimpse of him from afar.. probably on the way to the ladies or something.. which means that there would be a lot of trip to the ladies just to have that glimpse.. or two.. or three.. or four..
ok. u get the picture right.
my friends were all into it.. we'll hold your hand through it all and all that shit.. yeah yeah.. big talk only that.
so... we were sitting there.. and a familiar face walked towards the bar.. and sit there. still oblivious to this one particular girl whom was staring *while polluting the air that was already polluted*
and i have this goosebump all over.. one minute i feel cold. next i was hot. all over. i was sweating (without the actual sweat) but im shivering from the inside out. its all so very confusing. my mind stop working. my heart literally forget how its suppose to function. to beat or not to beat..
beat la u effing shit. i need to breath..
breath.
breath.
*fcuk... its him* told my friends. they all knew about him a long time ago.
and its been so long.. so long - infact - more than a decade since i last saw him.. the last time we actually spoke (*FB doesnt count*) was that last day when he said his last 'goodbye'.. and in my head i said 'see you later'..
it was not a *situation* i would place my self into. ever. again.
how do one act when one see their 'once upon a time' love of their life (literally!!) sitting right across? what is the procedure? do you smile? do you acknowledge each other? do you pretend? i have other ex-s but i maintain contact with most of them.. you know all that 'still friend' crap... and it works for me.. that 'still-friend' crap is totally not just b.s.
it can happen.
i dun really get the *clean-break* *past-is-past* concept anyway. no matter how much i said the mantra in my head. i just cant agree with the concept. and, mask all out of the window. that is truly not me.
coz no matter what happens in your life.. good or bad. they were once yours. you were once theirs. and they have seen (*or experienced*) the worst of you and the best (*if there is. of course there is!!*) of you. they know how your mindset works. they know how conniving li'l evil (*at times*) you can be. they know how you would walk through fire for them (*one way of saying it*)
its true. only they know.
*family doesnt count*
and this guy.. he knows me.
and i would say - inside out.
i never had the chance to put on this mask of angel before things happened with him.
we never had the chance to become friends. before and after.
it was *something* at first sight. wham bham. we were inseparable since. we were comfortable with each other even before i can spell comfortable.
*i waved*
*he waved*
fcuk.
and i dun even know how to order drinks when all this while, i'll definitely order wine.
"hi"
"hi. how are you?"
"im fine. how are you?"
"good. good."
*i smile*
*he smile* - that smile.
*can i die now???* - i asked myself.
no need to go into detail la.. suffice to say.. we talked for a while. about the menu. - my friends were good in pretending like nothing happened.
he went back to where he was. at the bar. i looked around.
*what the hell is he doing sitting there??? i cant do anything! i cant even form proper conversation. i cant even eat for crying out loud.*
"you should go and talk to him.." a friend suggested.
"go there. talk to him."
fcuk. i am so not gonna do that.
12am. HE arranged for a tiramisu to be sent out. it was my friend's bday (*happy birthday woman!!!* now go pray for me!!!*) so, that was nice of him. not like we didnt think of that in the first place anyway. the whole crowd sang. or at least us and the staffs..
he came over. said his bday wishes. common friend. so, i get that.
"why dont you sit with us?" a friend suggested to him.
*he is so gonna get it later.*
HE sat.
i just want the night to be over and done with.
my tongue is no longer functioning. how do i speak when i cant even form a proper sentence?
ok. when im nervous.. my vocabulary is very very limited. my words will all jumble up even i cant understand what im talking about.
*pollute air some more*
my friend is very good in making conversation *more like crap* just to get the ball rolling.
i turned to him.
he turned to me.
and words just came out from my mouth.
we talked. we laughed. we *bongo* each other.
- words we used last time which equivalent to being sarcastic. or outright talk.
no mask. no b.s.
and wa-lah.. 1.5 hours later... i survived.
what was it i was nervous about in the first place?
today i have my very own closure.
it was a very nice impromptu meet up. i couldnt have planned it any other way.
*it would be nice though if had a brad pitt sitting beside me*
but even then. im happy today.
for today, i have a new friend.
after all these years, today, he is no longer this ex i feel the need to curse from afar when i feel that *history* sipping into my system and reminds me the pain i needed to forget.
- past is *finally* past.
and to you A.. it was nice meeting you after all these years. after all this wondering when the hell am i gonna see you again. thank you for being nice and not cringe and scream and run towards the opposite direction.
*of course nobody does that to me - just so we are clear on that subject*
- think of london. think of me.
i guess its true what they said.
- what happens in london. stays in london.
*ok. leave vegas out of this. this is my blog!!!*
a chapter close.
a new door opens somewhere else.
its about time.
:)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
having said that..
damn im hungry now!!
i cant eat
- remember?????
but apparently.. it can happen.
i was just sitting there with my friends.. laughing.. and talking.. and laughing.. and talking.. and i didnt really anticipate this.. God knows i didnt plan any of it.
of course at the back of my mind.. i did kinda hope it would happen. i knew he was working @ the restaurant.. i just didnt know that it was THAT particular branch. not like i know whether there's any other branches around here anyway.. so.. i dunno what made me suggested the place in the first place..
i so dun wan to be that super stalker coz i wasn't. i am not.
*evil laugh*
even if he's there... i thought i was only gonna get to see a glimpse of him from afar.. probably on the way to the ladies or something.. which means that there would be a lot of trip to the ladies just to have that glimpse.. or two.. or three.. or four..
ok. u get the picture right.
my friends were all into it.. we'll hold your hand through it all and all that shit.. yeah yeah.. big talk only that.
so... we were sitting there.. and a familiar face walked towards the bar.. and sit there. still oblivious to this one particular girl whom was staring *while polluting the air that was already polluted*
and i have this goosebump all over.. one minute i feel cold. next i was hot. all over. i was sweating (without the actual sweat) but im shivering from the inside out. its all so very confusing. my mind stop working. my heart literally forget how its suppose to function. to beat or not to beat..
beat la u effing shit. i need to breath..
breath.
breath.
*fcuk... its him* told my friends. they all knew about him a long time ago.
and its been so long.. so long - infact - more than a decade since i last saw him.. the last time we actually spoke (*FB doesnt count*) was that last day when he said his last 'goodbye'.. and in my head i said 'see you later'..
it was not a *situation* i would place my self into. ever. again.
how do one act when one see their 'once upon a time' love of their life (literally!!) sitting right across? what is the procedure? do you smile? do you acknowledge each other? do you pretend? i have other ex-s but i maintain contact with most of them.. you know all that 'still friend' crap... and it works for me.. that 'still-friend' crap is totally not just b.s.
it can happen.
i dun really get the *clean-break* *past-is-past* concept anyway. no matter how much i said the mantra in my head. i just cant agree with the concept. and, mask all out of the window. that is truly not me.
coz no matter what happens in your life.. good or bad. they were once yours. you were once theirs. and they have seen (*or experienced*) the worst of you and the best (*if there is. of course there is!!*) of you. they know how your mindset works. they know how conniving li'l evil (*at times*) you can be. they know how you would walk through fire for them (*one way of saying it*)
its true. only they know.
*family doesnt count*
and this guy.. he knows me.
and i would say - inside out.
i never had the chance to put on this mask of angel before things happened with him.
we never had the chance to become friends. before and after.
it was *something* at first sight. wham bham. we were inseparable since. we were comfortable with each other even before i can spell comfortable.
*i waved*
*he waved*
fcuk.
and i dun even know how to order drinks when all this while, i'll definitely order wine.
"hi"
"hi. how are you?"
"im fine. how are you?"
"good. good."
*i smile*
*he smile* - that smile.
*can i die now???* - i asked myself.
no need to go into detail la.. suffice to say.. we talked for a while. about the menu. - my friends were good in pretending like nothing happened.
he went back to where he was. at the bar. i looked around.
*what the hell is he doing sitting there??? i cant do anything! i cant even form proper conversation. i cant even eat for crying out loud.*
"you should go and talk to him.." a friend suggested.
"go there. talk to him."
fcuk. i am so not gonna do that.
12am. HE arranged for a tiramisu to be sent out. it was my friend's bday (*happy birthday woman!!!* now go pray for me!!!*) so, that was nice of him. not like we didnt think of that in the first place anyway. the whole crowd sang. or at least us and the staffs..
he came over. said his bday wishes. common friend. so, i get that.
"why dont you sit with us?" a friend suggested to him.
*he is so gonna get it later.*
HE sat.
i just want the night to be over and done with.
my tongue is no longer functioning. how do i speak when i cant even form a proper sentence?
ok. when im nervous.. my vocabulary is very very limited. my words will all jumble up even i cant understand what im talking about.
*pollute air some more*
my friend is very good in making conversation *more like crap* just to get the ball rolling.
i turned to him.
he turned to me.
and words just came out from my mouth.
we talked. we laughed. we *bongo* each other.
- words we used last time which equivalent to being sarcastic. or outright talk.
no mask. no b.s.
and wa-lah.. 1.5 hours later... i survived.
what was it i was nervous about in the first place?
today i have my very own closure.
it was a very nice impromptu meet up. i couldnt have planned it any other way.
*it would be nice though if had a brad pitt sitting beside me*
but even then. im happy today.
for today, i have a new friend.
after all these years, today, he is no longer this ex i feel the need to curse from afar when i feel that *history* sipping into my system and reminds me the pain i needed to forget.
- past is *finally* past.
and to you A.. it was nice meeting you after all these years. after all this wondering when the hell am i gonna see you again. thank you for being nice and not cringe and scream and run towards the opposite direction.
*of course nobody does that to me - just so we are clear on that subject*
- think of london. think of me.
i guess its true what they said.
- what happens in london. stays in london.
*ok. leave vegas out of this. this is my blog!!!*
a chapter close.
a new door opens somewhere else.
its about time.
:)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
having said that..
damn im hungry now!!
i cant eat
- remember?????
2 comments:
hmmm... i missed that part huh.. damnn... so.. how? this weekend la we go for coffee.. =P
yup.. u missed that part..
now.. im starting to forget already all..
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