FINDING NORTHERN STARR

2.0.1.2.

2012-01-03T09:24:00.003+08:00

dear d,

everybody has a story.

i just chose not to tell 98% of it.
try not to attack me from that 2%.

- eSKay

4th of July...

2011-07-04T22:13:00.001+08:00

happy fourth of july.

its not like i hate this country.

i just wish im not here.

super F you

2011-05-31T18:12:00.002+08:00

at times there are no words to express...

but when u hate - u hate.
and i do.

with every single beat of my effing heart.

*curse.curse*
i hope. i wish. i pray

is there a god?

2011-05-30T00:18:00.001+08:00

i hate this.
i cannot breath.
r u even listening to me god?
coz i am beginning to think im praying to nothing.
why the shitty karma?
r u even up there?
ugh.

that first time..

2011-05-28T21:02:00.001+08:00

it started out small in the pit of your stomach..

n u cant breath..

it goes up through ur system..

and it gets bigger n bigger..

and magnifies uncontrollably..

and it explodes..

and thats when u begin.

and i end.

after all these years...

2011-05-25T21:08:00.003+08:00

for all those years that i have known the guy, i have not been able to get one celebration out of him.

not birthdays.
his or mine.

never valentine's.
no to christmas.
no to merdeka.

anniversary - what?

forget celebration. getting him long enough for dinner coffee n the whole drill would be my greatest victory..

n d odds are.. like super-against me.

that phone call will always come. every effing time. the stories ranges from someone admitted into hospital to returning stuff to urgent drawings. sometimes weddings or heaven forbids, death of a relative will be thrown into the picture.

at times, i wanted to laugh at his face telling him - that is old trick!!!

i mean - who uses that anymore?

still - whatever excuses - u dont get to choose who u like. u like them despite them being such an arse.

im not saying its ok.
im saying its stupid.
and im saying its never worth it.

i know that.
im fact, the whole world knows that.

and one can only go on for so long, never appreciated.

so.. this year.. here's my last thought & my last fight.. after 12 long years, im tired. my friendship alone will never be good enough coz im just never gonna be up that standard which he put so high..

all i wanted was to give him that celebration he never forgets..

and i didnt even get to put that candle on that cake n sing him hbd.

of coz.. i didnt even get a bite.

now.. if that is not the most embarrasing moment in my entire life - and believe me - i've done alot of stupid thing - then i dont know what is.

happy birthday you.
i tried.
that - at least - must've worth something.

and to all of u.. no comment.

Laughter is the best medicine

2011-05-22T15:09:00.001+08:00

KabZ asked me, "are ma.lay.sian really ready for this?"

I think we are..

I loved every minute of it. Every punchline.. Those that i actually get anyway & i never laughed as hard..

Like. Seriously.

I love politically incorrect jokes like no others..

The only thing i can advise u when picking out seats for these kind of show... Never ever sit infront.. & try not to come in late..

U r just drawing attention to urself.. Its the LAST place u'd want to be.. Me & KabZ moved to d back row after d intermission. And we sat at d 3rd row.

Haha..

U crack me up.. Ohhh vijay- jai..

A gay comedian said..
"aaaahhhh woman. Cant live with them. dun have too."

KabZ then whispered to me, "ooh.. My new punchline!"

Blardy hell..

The Prophecy...

2011-05-14T22:49:00.001+08:00

Its truly an honest to God .. OMG moment for me...

See if u can figure it out...

By the way.. In case u havent notice.. Its my birthday!!

So... Can u see it now?

Is that good or bad sign?

Just one word...

DAMN....

Curiousity Kills the Cat..

2011-05-06T21:50:00.001+08:00

Seriously d...

..... Not a babe meh?

Dude!!!!

Always On My Mind

2011-05-05T21:53:00.001+08:00

James sang that song just now in A.Idol top 5..

and... U know how i said a song can transport u to a place u never really thought of visiting..?

Well, this song is one of them song..

I never really mentioned this one person in my blog before... Not during those moments we were together. I dont think so, at least..

Maybe - in passing.

Somehow tonite.. strangely enough.. I remember those moments.. The littlest time stolen.. Everything from the very beginning - it was on borrowed time.. And a very very very small part of me that is from the furthest corner of my forgotten heart - misses him...

Its weird... Coz time totally erase that part of me a long long time ago...

He said it once when we had our stupid - unknown - source - fight.., "it felt like a cold hand touches my heart and made it stop.."...

For whatever stupid reason there is... A very cold hand touches mine tonite.

You do come across this head of mine every now and then.. and thats about it. The memories are no longer available for me to ponder upon nor do i want too..

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Hmmmm... My precious.. ;)

Like i said.. Its just weird.

Yours truly,
Once your smeagol.

Damn...

2011-02-20T01:34:00.001+08:00

Its almost march now.. I havent been blogging tat much lately... Indulging in self pity is truly not my idea of fun..

Alot happened in this short period of time.. N i only wish i can blog about it here.. But maybe its the allignment of the stars or the year of the rabbits.. Im abit reserved this time around..

Been keeping alot to myself n m just bursting - almost exploding even - with stories..

But all in all.. I am fine.

Im having d time of my life seizing n realising what small dream i had..

Im just about ok with how things are going.. But i do wish there are more responsible adult out there. Given d time.. People will show their true colours somehow..

Anyway.. Thousands of book to read.. So little time..

Hope to blog more book reviews in d future!

Its been a while.

Over n out.

Silent night...

2011-02-10T01:54:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpyfmTjeMwU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Being alone sucks.
Everything sucks.

I need a hug.
.
.
.
.
.
.
For the lack of better word.. Fcuk it.

unnecessary zombie state..

2011-02-09T10:53:00.004+08:00

my virtual family is super fine. its the 3rd generation now. and i cant wait to start with the 4th generation as the current generation just refuse to 'get on' with it and have more kids.

apparently, 2 is enough.

my virtual bakery is on its way to millions. i need to design it one of these days.

my virtual restaurant is getting somewhere. long way to millions.

yup.. everything is superfine that i wish i can make my life virtual.

*iMe*

maybe God is busy with other apps that He forgot to check on this apps.

heeeeee...

i was going through my contact list at 4 am just now looking for someone to talk to. a chance to just bitch about life... or you know.. whether, there's a chance of getting big exemption on income tax..

random.

*i couldn't handle it then. i couldn't handle it now. so, i dont wanna handle that* - on repeat in my head.

nope. cant think of anyone.

damn!

i need to add ice to my coffee.
im not feeling so good. i need distraction.

ladies... come go for wining?

Conquering The Mountain

2011-02-06T17:25:00.002+08:00

Early this year.. Hmmmmm... Since its only February.. lets just throw technicality out of the window n say early last month..

Well.... Me frens suggested conquering MtKinabalu.. I jumped at the idea. Actually most of d original member of the biatches of the east totally ON with the idea.

Which is surprising.. Considering that the most of us are super contibutor to the high polution index..

As usual.. D email thread is growing longer as we speak. Topic of who gonna leave who & who gonna stay behind to help those who r weak were the top favourite ;)

Truthfully.. I thought i was 1 of d strongest.. U know.. Wats with all d activities..

*smile smugly*

ok. ok. I was wrong..

I am by far d weakest one.. Happy now?? Right below d bar.. Ok fine!! Way way below d bar..

Anyway.... here's the thing.. JC, CL2 & i excitedly went to this park during d CNY break.. With hills & all.. 2.5km..

"power walk only..." they said..

Of course.. JC actually did d POWER walk n sprinted away.

What a biatch!

Im sure CL2 wanted to POWER along with Super JC.. Until i started with my drama..

And when i say drama.. It means drama..

Every few steps!!

I wanted to give up EVERY step of d way.. From supposedly power walk.. We baby walked all d way..

Of course.. That would be overstatement.. Even babies would cry thinking that i can even think of using d terms..

Half way through.. It started raining so hard.. CL2 finally did her power walk n left me doing my.... Errrmmmm fine!! Toddler walk..

And it was then i did my *almost* power walk.. Only coz i have my iphone with me n i totally cant imagine - life without it..

Heee...

d above pic is from d 2nd day..

I finally did my super baby walk.. Yes!! Caitlyn would b proud!! N with less drama and i didnt stop!!

But thats only because CL2 didnt really wait up for me.. N i didnt want to get stuck in d rain again..

Overall.. Pat pat on me back..

I am strong!! Not as strong as *Super* JC though.... but lets just say.. I dun think i'll reach laban rata at 7pm.. *ahem!!*

*smile smugly*

Heeeeee....

New year - not so new me.

2011-01-15T19:02:00.000+08:00

I dont really have any new resolution this year.. Though from my past experience.. My year was so much better when i had a checklist to go by..

Rather than just going with the flow...

The last year was the hardest to live. It was everything i do not want n everything i ever wanted.. All happened in a space of 1 year..

Alot to take in.. And alot to give up..

It was understanding a situation a decade too late.

There's still a tiny bit of hope in me but a bigger part of me just wish that small part of me gone.

So this year.. Though i am in need of one hell of a checklist... I only have one new resolution.

I just want to be happy.

I will find a reason everyday to make me smile..

And laugh hard.

Shouldnt be hard kan?

We shall see.

Mou Pai....

2010-12-12T03:50:00.002+08:00

See what happened when we played Lap Lap Fu...

First.... Tun Fa Soon...

Second.... No small number.... Not so sure on the terms...

"Declare" la.. What else...

Third....again.... same as above....

Lastly... Three Kingdom..

Back home i call it "3 kampung" but apparently its suppose to be "3 negara"...

Oh well...

Did i mention i got the cards 4 times consecutively....

Nice eh?

Escape from reality

2010-12-08T02:46:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm well read...

My Name is Memory

2010-12-06T00:08:00.001+08:00

by : Ann Brashares

Daniel : I have lived more than a thousand years. I have died countless of times.

no. i didnt pick the book coz of the character.

It was the writer first. the title second. and the character - well.. that just made my decision easier.

if u are into soulmates - and somehow, at the back of your mind believe that people never really that far from their soul-groups.. well.. this might just be the book for you to feed on your belief.

it doesnt have to be true.
or real.

u believe what you have to - a survival instinct.

anyway, the story is about daniel. he's an old soul. when i say old soul - he really is an old soul. the thing that separate him from the rest of us is that he can remember.

he remembers each and every life.

its a story of his original sin. and for every lifetime, he search for her - for redemption i guess. for for thousands of years - he could never right the wrong he had done. it was always over before it even began.

of course, the story is about his present life. after centuries of searching and wanting her - he'll finally have that chance. and he'll bring you back to all those years from the very beginning.

the book ends with me 'almost' crying my heart out...
im not sure why coz its not really an ending. but it sure feels like one. and im not too sure if its a happy ending. coz it doesnt seem like it is.

or maybe, im just missing the character.
more than life itself.

Daniel : I have fallen in love, and she is the one who endures. I killed her once and died for her many times over and I still have nothing to show for it. I always search for her; i always remember her. I carry the hope that someday she will remember me.

The Last Vampire Series

2010-12-05T00:38:00.000+08:00

by: Christopher Pike

u know people said, never judge a book by its cover.

well, with books.. the covers are everything.

this is one of them books that pulled me towards it.

i flipped through the first page. Read the first line. and that's it.

the rest as they said, is history.

apparently, the book is a compilation of few stories written back in the early 90s. thanks to twilight - books that were overlook before now are coming out - becoming bestseller - getting the credits it rightfully deserved.

a decade too late. but better late than never.

Thirst : No. 1

The story is about Sita.. well, she goes by many names.. yes. she's a vampire. and she has been for the past 5000 years.

she's strong. she's fast. she can walk under the sun. she's a millionaire - and times that by the millions. like duh.. after 5000 years? of course la.

somehow, her maker returns and hunting her down. and her quest in finding that out lead her to Ray. whom she eventually fell in love with.

ok.. u'd think its like another twilight hah.. well.. the writer is a guy. so.. believe me when i say, the romance part and all those chick part were kept to a minimum. in fact, its more like action - fightings - blood - hmmm...

but, somehow, im hooked.

Thirst : No. 2

well.. sita finally get to be a human here.

and not only that - she gets to be a mother. and baby kalika is craving for blood.

and more blood.

and more blood.

and did i say, blood??? Sita had to literally kidnap an unwilling blood donor and locked him up in a room for supplies.

and sita met a woman whom is also on the verge of giving birth to the 'could-he-be' the 2nd coming. and evil is hunting them.

sita must save the world.

u might not like the ending.

im almost disappointed.

i did say almost.
it is supposed to be the final chapter.

Thirst : No. 3

one fine day.. i was browsing through looking for new books to read. imagine my surprise seeing the familiar cover.

still remembering what happened in the last book, i flipped through the first page.

owh yes!

the ending that made me disappointed was somehow reverse.

mr pike made her come back. somehow it made sense.

here, sita traced down her descendants. she found teri. a human version of her. a new kind of old enemy resurface.

again.. alot of fighting.

new character is being introduced.
and im loving him already.

Thirst : No. 4

errrr.. not so sure what's happening here.

coming out August 2011.
lama-nyer lagi...

by the way..
here's the good news.

FilmNation Entertainment recently acquired the rights to the series of novels, seven total, and plans to adapt the story into a film, or series of films. FilmNation's president of production, Aaron Ryder, states the company's excitement and anticipation in "the opportunity to bring to life one of the best characters of young adult fiction."

seee...

isn't that just great?

well.. let the casting begin.

christmas billboards everywhere...

2010-12-04T00:08:00.001+08:00

now.. wouldn't it be nice if we have it here.. everywhere..

Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve. Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age.

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

lessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.

At Christmas, all roads lead home.

There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.

I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!

christmas tree - checked.

2010-12-02T23:54:00.004+08:00

this is a collective effort and years of collecting those ornaments.. lightings ... and what not.

and after all these years.. let me just say this.. its still not enough. we still gonna have to buy some more for next year.

the task for each of us has always been the same throughout the years..

CK took out all the stuff out of the store room - way before my 2nd birthday... put up the xmas tree.. get ready all those ornaments.. and then bugged everybody on a nightly basis.. 'pasangla cepat....'

VSK then put up the lights.. eventuallly.. after giving respect to my 2nd birthday.. coz i insisted it every year! every branches yo!

SK - me.. i did the decorating part. big ones way way inside.. small ones spread out all over the tree.. shiny ones must be placed somewhere near the lights to have that glowing effect..

MK... she's jack of all trade... tunggu arahan ja.. heeeeee....

in the past, we used to have theme for our christmas tree.. white christmas.. gold christmas.. blue christmas.. this year.. its all the colours of christmas.

there's pink - blue - gold - white - red - errrr... thats about it.

i super- heart that small pink present box ornaments coz it literally glows whether the lights are on or not... and ms pinky are all over the lower part of the tree..

and me thinks it looks very very lovely. im loving it!
though i wish there's more GOLD ornaments.

*mental note - 2011*

well.. good luck CK in taking it down next year. not an easy job i tell u.

over and out.

Few weeks before xmas..

2010-12-02T23:46:00.003+08:00

Supposed to be shopping for xmas presies...

End up with a dilemma..

Buy black or white ??
(for me-self!!)

Hi gina...

Silence has the loudest voice.

2010-11-28T15:19:00.006+08:00

ok.. im still not myself. arggghhh... im hating the situation more and more now. and i found out that its very hard to get back on track no matter how much i tried.

some days im fine as though nothing can break me.
and it only takes a second, just to make all that strength i built vanished.

and to tell u the truth.. im not sure who to blame. me? or mr cruella himself.

recent events or rather, a slapped of reality hit me last nite. a great man who bears a great resemblance to mr cruella himself *as in their names* mentioned few stuff about how men operates - and if i were to close my eyes - it feels as though mr cruella himself was there to explain stuff to me.

let me tell u our story.

*oppps... i just deleted it. i just cut & paste it in another blog post* - one fine day then.

for now.. suffice to say that our story goes on for a decade. truth is - its not even a love story. maybe a bit. but mostly, its about a friendship (with an edge) that grows with time that goes through distance, technology and series of other unfortunate events that shouldnt have survived had mr c been any other tom, dick & harry.

whatever it is.. we were friends first. and something else comes in second.

and as much as i missed mr c like hell... *like literally* - i missed his friendship more. he had been my pillar of strength. whose advise i listened to. whose opinion i most seek though i do argue over it from every single angle there is /are just for argument-sake. whose approval means more than i can explain.

we rarely agree on any subject.
he likes to look stuff at a bigger picture.
i like to pick on the smallest of details.
nothing worries him.
everything worries me.

we moved on a different orbit altogether.

and finally - meteor strikes.
and everything went silent.

and here i am trying to pick up the pieces. though im not sure what am i collecting anymore. im not sure even if its worth collecting.

hope is a dangerous thing.
without it, the world seems nothing.
u just want it to end.

"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings,
but silence can break your heart."

p.s.

"where are thou mr president?"

reasons..

2010-11-16T00:24:00.001+08:00

starlight. starbright.

2010-11-12T09:20:00.005+08:00

'eSKay?'

'hoOyaaaaa!!!'

that is how u answer them when u r addressed to or taking instruction. something equivalent to 'yes sir!' (*think army style)..

welll.. at times i do get a little crazy with my activities.

i love taking up new things.. try it at least ONCE...

*click on pic to find more details*

so.. my friend & i eagerly signed up for this bootcamp. its a 'bring-a-friend' day. in other words - its free. yup. F.O.C.

*love the sound of it!

kiasu mah..

what happens there..

well... its torture..
(* think MY standard)

im not really into mr exercise. mr exercise and me doesnt really go well together..
we are like 'hi-bye' enemy. we acknowledge each other..
but that is as far as my relationship goes with mr exercise.

and this morning (like 545-645am).. the thing i had to do in the name of 'doing new things'..
omg..

i supposed its easier for some highly energized people with super duper over the top full of stamina dosage - overflowing even. then can run - plunge - stretch - jump - all over the place like some energizer bunny - 1 hour non stop.

"no.. dont stop... later u'll lose ur momentum..."
"u can do it girl.. go! go! go!"

damn..
can i just die already?
i literally took a time out in the middle of it - claiming nausea & seeing stars..

at the end of it, my friend said it was ok..

i quote, OKlor.. 50-50.. not so hard also. unquote.
blardy biatch.
*dush.dush*

and there me - looking all wet and almost to the pengsan stage.
my kaki all bergegar... breathing in breathing out..

'u need oxygen inside.. breath in and out' they said.

i would roll my eyes but i was already looking at stars.. so.. i dont really fancy creating more effects on those stars that was already on my screen saver.

oh well..

*give myself a pat on my back.

good job girl.
u tried ur very best.
even if its not really the best.

i got up at 430 a.m. for this.

now
- how do you beat that?

change is gonna come

2010-11-10T00:55:00.007+08:00

its less than 2 months to new year.. and i cant even remember what was my resolution this year. was there any?

well.. truthfully, i have not been myself for the past few months. since september - to be exact. i thought it was just a phase at first. bad month.

and the trend continues.
october - another bad month.
there's always one issue after another.

it turns out november being the worst ever.
in stock market terms - ALL TIME LOW.

im on the verge of bursting into tears. anytime. anywhere.
my heart in constant pain. it beats at a faster rate. its hard to even breath. it hurts to even breath. at some point i wish i stop breathing totally.

im being tested. professionally. personally. home-ly. financially.
the four corners that made me - ME.

taking painkillers every hour or so doesnt help coz i realise it doesnt really kill the pain your soul is feeling.

and i resorted to sleep.
and sleep.
and sleep.
and i cant eat. and when i do eat - i eat as much as i can to make do those times that i wont or cant eat.

my undergarments are getting looser and looser. serious shit. but im still fat as ever.
best diet regime ever.

i miss my long hair. i seriously hate my hair now. and i promise i wont ever ever cut it off ever again.

*trim doesnt count*

it feels like i lost my 'power' when i cut it. u know, like samson.
was it samson?

at times, i need a shoulder. i seriously & desparately need a shoulder. i need to cry out and let it all out off my system. but im not very good in that... not with everyday people. and stuff are building up in my system - as i write - and i dont think getting pissed drunk is the answer. coz i dont want to say stuff i cant erase. and i dont want to share stuff that id rather bring to my grave.

had here been hollywood.. i would be diagnosed as having manic depression. but i cant afford to be depressed. one needs to be super rich to indulge in depression mode. and i need to be mentally alert during working hours which i keep on dragging it longer and longer coz i find myself functioning better - mentally - during those times.

maybe i've been here too long. i'm feeling restless all over again.

back in 2004 - i packed up and went back to kk.

so, where can i run away to now?

im like tom hanks. who cant go back and yet cant get out from the airport.

i need to get myself out of this - whatever phase this is.

someone once told me.. reach for the star.. at least when u fall, u'll fall on the moon.
maybe.. what i need is to fall on real ground before i can stand up again.
im still fallling - its a long way from moon to earth.

its gonna hurt soon.
but i cant wait to stand up strong again.
even with all the bruises.

dont ask.

unfortunately missing u...

2010-11-07T04:17:00.005+08:00

I wrote your name
on paper on accident

- so I threw it away.

can a soul cry?

p.s.
i miss your shoulder.

All Soul's Day

2010-11-02T13:28:00.006+08:00

"how much are you giving?" my dad asked just now as i was driving..

"how much you need?"

"welll.. they are those whom are 'kafir' and no one to pray for them..."

it got me into thinking.. are there more out there that we may have forgotten along the way..?

anyway.. just for all souls day.. im praying for all the souls whom were not given the chance to even live.

Heavenly Father,

Your love is eternal.

In Your ocean of love You saved the world through Your only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ.

Now look at Your Son on the Cross who is constantly bleeding for love of His people and forgive Your world. Purify and baptize aborted children with the Precious Blood and Water from the Sacred Side of Your Son, Jesus Christ, who hung dead on the Cross for their salvation in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

May they, through the Holy Death of Jesus Christ, gain everlasting life, through His wounds be healed and through His Precious Blood be freed; there to rejoice with the Saints in Heaven.

Amen.

"...Through this prayer large numbers of innocent unborn babies will be saved, pray it daily and make it known to the world. Baptize them with this prayer..."

peyton unedited.

2010-10-31T03:32:00.006+08:00

"Someone once told,
there's nothing wrong with fairy tales.
Everyone ends up happily ever after in the end."

"Imagine a future moment in your life
where all your dreams come true.
You know, it's the greatest moment of your life
and you get to experience it with one person.
Who's standing next to you?"

"Pretty please with me on top..."

"People are going to disappoint you,
I get that, I kind of expect that.
but, what happens if one day
you wake-up and realize
you are the disappointment?"

"Sometime when you care about someone alot
you just know you will make some kind of mistake
and you end up losing
the person you care the most about
but if you are lucky
you might get a second chance."

"... and so I wish for patience and grace and strength
to just let him be happy.

And mostly I pray for the strength
to not make his life worse because of what I want.
Thats the toughest part, letting go, you know?
That's the part of grace that really sucks."

Yes, there are things about my life that I would miss,
but I'd miss you more"

p.s.
strike 3.

just a thought.

2010-10-28T19:09:00.007+08:00

they said..

smoking takes 7 minutes (or at least a few minutes) out of your life-span.

so.. how many do i need to smoke not to see another day?

p.s.

Just gonna stand there
and hear me cry
but that's alright
because I love the way you lie
- Rihanna

this is me.

2010-10-25T09:29:00.003+08:00

haha. early this morning..

a sis of mine sent a mass email to my other sis & i
- with a note..

"this is specially for eSKay"

kabret..

which i really think really does described myself.

- MONDAY -

*mad as hell*

.
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- TUESDAY -
*slowly coming out of it*
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- WEDNESDAY -
*...but not quite there yet. so, watch it!*
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- THURSDAY -
*the end of the week is in sight*
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- FRIDAY & SATURDAY -
*need u ask?*
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- SUNDAY -
*uh-oh*
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- SUNDAY NIGHT -
*here we go again*

p.s.
i miss u, jantan kabret.

not official yet..

2010-10-21T01:23:00.004+08:00

"how come you're not out partying?"

10-15 years ago.. i would have. now, its the last thing i even contemplate to do.

though - there will be a wining session this weekend. *lets hope the climbing bits didnt go overboard that i totally given up the idea of having a session*

its still the early hours of my new age. do i feel any different? no. but i do wish somehow some kind of wisdom bestowed upon me where i would feel more mature. more collected. u know more like an adult rather than going from one day to the next not exactly knowing where she's heading to.

its not like new year where you can make a new start. though one shouldn't wait for that new year to make that new start..

owell - whatever works for u..

but i was looking at the mirror earlier for the longest time to check if there's any new 'line of wisdom' making an appearance on my face.

and lately, i am starting to question about alot of things in my life. whether its worth going after. or whether its time to give up everything and start all over again in a new environment.

coz lets face it. there's not much to stick out for wherever i am now.
for now - all i can say is that - 'hope' is very a weird concept.

nevertheless - whatever life throws at me - i'll say, bring it on.
i'm through understanding what life is all about.

coz life is just that. good or bad. it goes on. it doesnt wait for you to figure it all out.

my life has always been complicated anyway.
it started out complicated. as i grow into adulthood - it became very VERY complicated.
as im trying the life of an adult - it became even more complicated.
now - its just as complicated as ever.

so.. on that note.. happy birthday me :)

i am now officially a mature and responsible adult who has the necessary wisdom to make important decisions in life.
*vomit blood*

damn im old !

hmmm.. ok. the countdown to my 2nd bday begins.
see what i mean when i said complicated?
hah!!

p.s.
u asked me what i wanted.
u?
told u.
u cant afford it.

boulder attempt

2010-10-05T22:32:00.008+08:00

i love climbing.
not really into bouldering though.

back in early May this year, it started out as a getaway.

to make myself occupied so as not to think about 'stuff' as much - which is really uncalled for.

and i fell in love with the game.

i was good (on a beginner level) in it and totally committed.

but i do have my off days. and for the whole month of september and i guess maybe this month too.. are my off days. or rather off months.

i'm losing my 'mojo' - in the words of one of my climber buddy. im just not into it as much as i wanted to.

my grip was (and still is) not as strong. my endurance are gone with the wind. my stamina (whatever that is) is totally below zero.

i need to jump up & down and get that cherry to gain back that long lost energy and determination. *think super mario* hehe..

but it didnt stopped me from entering into competition just to push me. to see how far i've gone.

believe me when i said, i havent gone that far yet.

im back to the very beginning of my climbing days. sad but very oh so true.

after the last pic on top, i fell..

in my hearts of hearts, i know i can do better.
just not now.

give me time.

*dush.dush.air*
with 'eye of a tiger' soundtrack at the background.

(all pics are courtesy to the photographer En MFairuz during the recent M'sian Xtreme Sprts N'nal C/ship - all curi from FB. hah!!)

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p.s.

wish u could be there to support me, cruella.
even if its only in spirit.

drowning.

2010-09-28T00:27:00.004+08:00

When you're drowning....

you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,'

You. Just. Scream.

- John Lennon
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p.s. im screaming now.

i know him so well..

2010-09-21T00:22:00.005+08:00

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much
For far too long

Looking back I could have played it differently
Won a few more moments - Who can tell
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know
I know him well

Wasn't it good?
(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?
(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness - He can't be mine?
But in the end he needs a little bit
More than me
More security
He needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well

No-one in your life is with you constantly
No-one is completely on your side
And though I'd move my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide

Looking back
(Looking back)
I could have played it differently
(I could have played it some other way)
Learned about the man before I fell
(I was just a little careless)
But I was ever so much younger then
(Maybe, so much younger then)
Now at least I know - I know him well

Wasn't it good?
(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?
(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness - He won't be mine?

Didn't I know?
How it would go,
If I knew from the start
Why am I falling apart?

Wasn't it good
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness - He won't be mine?

But in the end
He needs a little bit
More than me
More security
He needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well.

It took time to understand him
I know him so well.

p.s.
Love me - and the world is mine.
~David Reed

short prayer.

2010-09-17T11:12:00.001+08:00

My Lord God,
through whom strength is made perfect in weakness,
I pray to you, give me the strength I need.

You have said,
that to your children who have no might,
you will increase strength.

I am weak.

Bless me with a measure of strength,
as may be sufficient for me.

When I am tempted by evil - deliver me,
by granting me the power to overcome it.

When my daily work is too hard for me,
give me the strength to be able to do it.

If my burden oppresses me beyond my bearing,
lighten my load,
that my strength may be equal to it.

You have helped many,
I beg You to help me.

Thank you my Lord

new public enemy

2010-09-15T17:25:00.002+08:00

Mr Pinky's Owner asked me, 'Do you eat weird food?'

Im from that land below the wind. of course i eat weird food. duh.

*eyes rolling rolling*

*HIM* : 'that worm in bamboo shoot?'

well.. in my head - i kinda thought of 'butot'.. u know.. that white fat worm..

and yes..

a very very VERY long time ago.. with super emphasis on the very part.. i ate it like keropok.. obviously, after its fried and all..

then..

eSKay : 'ehhhh... bamboo shoot got worm?'

*Him* : 'nah.. its the same like lala.. clams.. u know'

eSKay : 'okkkkk... thats not so weird then.. im ok with weird food...'

so eksi one kan.. heeeee

something like this came to our table... of course i didnt think of taking pictures last night.. but it looks exactly like the above pic.. just change the bawang with long beans..

*yeah.. i googled the pix.. :D*

eSKay : *wth!!* 'what is that?'

*Him* : 'its like bamboo shell.. but its from the sea'

eSKay : 'how come i've never seen it before?'

*Him* : 'you sure you've seen ALL the fishes in the sea?'

blah. blah. blah..

*malas sia oh!*

thing is.. it looks over the top weird that there should be a new definition for weird.

its like *kerudut.kerudut* then - got pointed tip..

and if i dunno any better.. it almost look like that *li'l dude*.. u know!!!.. THAT dude.. apparently, the guys referred it as some non-existence supermega dude..

but thats beside the point..

:)

anyways..

i was still curious and went over to the stall where Mr Pinky's Owner ordered it from..

eSKay : 'helooo... ini apa nama ah?'

unknown owner cum cook : 'bamboo clam'

seriously???

so.. i googled some more since i need to know what it looks like underwater..

and well.. i never really seen it before..

ewwww...

another 'thing' added to my 'public-enemy' list.

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p.s.

mrP *b4 StepUp* : we can always catch step up 1st..
then resident evil some other day..
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mrP *after StepUp* : omg. u made me watch this!!!

men!
*dush.dush*

for the love of the game..

2010-09-01T00:01:00.002+08:00

been climbing for 3 months now.. and i truly wish i had started doing it much much earlier..

its rare that you find something that you like and stick to it..
at one time, climbing almost become a lifestyle..

it is actually..

to find me resting at home looking at the four walls of my room is a very rare occasion nowadays.. i havent finished any of my new books yet - jadi perhiasan already. thus, the lack of any review..

when im not climbing.. i find myself looking at every crack on the wall.. thinking i can climb that.. tho i cant. but thats another story..

climbing rock is much easier than climbing wall.. me thinks. its as though nature knows that one day.. people would want to climb and provides that necessary foothole or jugs.... etc

i do find it amazing everytime i find something to hold on to when im climbing.. like.. did someone put it there?

the downside is that u might just develop unnecessary muscle.. im not that *tegap* yet.. maybe, if im a guy, i might just be looking forward to that day..

climbing gives you that endurance not to let go.. hold on with ur dear life.. and holding on with every breath you take.. as though ur life depended on it.. dont let go. dont let go.

sometimes, u may want to give up.. and then, u look up.. u'll see that u're almost there.. the end is near.. and u know.. another will begin *at another route, that is. and u repeat in ur head.. u can actually do this.. dont let go. dont let go.

and at times, you might want to look down to see how far u go... its a tiring journey.. yet, it has to go on.. u havent reach the top just yet...

and once u r on top.. u cant help but smile feeling satisfied with what u have accomplished.

1 route clean. 1million to go.

like i said, climbing is a lifestyle.
just look at the analogy.
*same same but different*

its a never ending cycle.
it hurts. it hardens your fingers.. it gives u bruises.

climbing may be hard.
but its easier than growing up.

p.s.
i miss mr dinding.
damn.

pulling the bandage...

2010-08-31T03:40:00.005+08:00

its merdeka again.

like i said before.. it has nothing to do with the independence day.

here's what happened throughout the years during the merdeka weeks..

2007: happy birthday???
2008: long weekend to come... ugh
2009: nostalgic weekend...

i have mixed feelings about it.

had i gone to sleep that very night many many years ago and not turn up in that place.. my life would be different now. i wouldnt be staying up late tonight thinking, where is this going?

believe me.. had i started my blog earlier.. you would've had alot of versions of my merdekas.. about 10 of them - me thinks.

i tried to re-create a new version of merdeka this year. it didnt work out.

*dinding forgets. or maybe couldnt be bothered*

my merdeka chapter ends here.

p.s.

i do wish im in your shoe now.
then maybe one day, you'll be in mine.

another long weekend..

2010-08-21T03:32:00.003+08:00

this is where i'll be starting tomorrow...

initially, i planned to just forget the whole thing off. but recent events made me decide otherwise.

my boss asked me just now.. where exactly am i going? is it a climbing or diving trip?
told him somewhere far-far away. i just need to run away. its a girl thing.

oh. he said. "i dont want to go into that then. coz it usually involves men."

hmmm... no comment.

im not sure what i want to see there. but im very sure the girls came up with a lot of places to go. im just gonna go with their plans.

as long as we get to this place. other place(s) is/are just bonus.

Notre-Dame Cathedral or Notre-Dame Basilica, to be exact.

why?

here's why.

In October 2005, the statue was reported to have shed tears, attracting thousands of people and forcing authorities to stop traffic around the Cathedral. However, the top clergy of the Catholic Church in Vietnam confirmed that the Virgin Mary statue did not shed tears. The reported 'tear' flowed down the right cheek of the face of the statue. [source: wikipedia]

tears or not.. i had a strong feeling to be there. and tell you the truth, its why i finally decided *just now - just half an hour before the money changer closed* to just go.

im sure if only i can touch Her feet and pray... my prayers will be answered.

ya.. i know i cant reach.. but thats another story.

so... b.o.b.b.y. c.h.i.n.g.g.... here i come.
*is he married by the way?*

- its an inside joke with the girls -

arrgghhh.. its less than 2hrs to go before the lims come & fetch me to airport and i still need to look for my passport.. yup.. in my room where you cant see the floor.. coz my clothes.. books... stuffs are all over the place... and i havent even started packing yet..

pray me safe-journey.

God speed y'all.

p.s.

mr p: soon....

but soon never came.
:'(

out of sight...

2010-07-05T21:48:00.001+08:00

"I have my own little world,
but it's okay - they know me here..." -unk

ive been keeping myself super extra busy nowadays while hanging on to my sanity.

i know its not working.
this waiting bit is totally a very bad idea.

and for the sake of my sanity.. i think its about time. i should've abandon with the idea a long time ago when it first re-appear again.. how long does it take to get the message loud & clear?

i mean.. everything in my fiber says what i know all along.. but that small part in me.. which is really small considering that im already small enough - want that chance to make it right. still small as it is.. i do know that.. to even think about it is already a bad idea.

how busy can a person be?
is it even possible?
you have no idea. apparently, it is.

circumstances has spoken.
funny. how life works out in the end.

funny too.

how it doesnt.

maybe not this lifetime.
huh mr p?

guess not.

tioman - season 2

2010-06-30T01:11:00.000+08:00

yeah.. this is season 2..

why?? let me tell u a story.. barely a week after that first trip..i was again 'pancing-ed' to yet another 5N6D trip to tioman. it didnt take much to make me say yes.

we started our trip on thur's nite. instead of tg gems, we went via mersing.

well, i tried to stay awake during the whole journey as mr B volunteered to drive mr blacky but i was mentally drained by then due to work which is really giving me the migrane i so not needed. and i fell asleep anyway. we arrived in time. which is good.

the only qualms i have abt the trip was that i was already dark from the first trip.. my skin has yet to go back to its normal tone.. and im adding some more tone on it..

see what i mean?
it will take alot of fair & lovely to get me back into that pre-tioman tone..

ADC was surprised to see me back.. hah!

while mr b went straight to do his OWC.. i went with the fun dive group.

first dive.. everything went wrong.. you know how it feels like jatuh tangga & then ur head banged against the corner of the stone wall.. well, less drastic but similar concept.

first.. i cant descent... i deflated fully.. breathe like i usually did.. i was still up on the surface.. while everybody was already down there looking up.. f*ck. this is just not making any sense.. one of the DMT.. lets call him mr A pulled me down.. that is already an embarassment enough.

but the show has to go on..

then.. half way through - current came. mind you.. it was not even strong. not like the one in che-beh. my bcd was fully deflated.. and yet up up and away i go..

ya.. it sucks!! me truly not liking the first dive.

2nd dive.. i used 3 weights.. which is wierd.. coz all these years.. i'm only using 2 weights and its more than enough.. 3 was too heavy last time.. maybe i gained weight hah! damn..

oh well.. the 2nd dive.. i was still trying to get the hang of it.. arggghh..

by the 2nd day.. things were much better. not 100% perfect yet.. but better.

so.. imagine 5 days of being under the sun..

you cant even begin to imagine how dark i am now..
but to tell u the truth.. it was worth it.

see for ur self.

a close up picture of my descending .. not a pretty sight but still..

a view from the top - see the sun streaming down? cool huh..

kinda looks like diving in an aquarium, kan...

one of them favourite pictures of mine. bat fish kept on following me.. apparently.
nice ha..
this was me fighting the current. mr b even with the current, still managed to take pictures. bravo bravo. i had to swim so closely to the corals so i dun have to fight so much. half way through.. i was too tired to even fin. i literally feel my body or rather my feet - shutting down.

but as they, it aint over until the fat lady sing.
basically.. i cant stop..

finally, we reached our pit stop.. this is me doing whatever during safety stop..

well.. i truly had fun. did a total of 8 dives.

thats about it. since this post has been in my draft for quite some time now.. im just gonna post this as it is.. i was thinking of adding more pictures from my camera.. but.. malas la..
its a diving trip for G's sake. u dont need to hear stories about me having lunch/ dinner or my other activities - all that kan..

:P

last but not least.. thank you buddy for pancing'ed me into this trip..
and congrats on your OW cert.

season 3... coming right up.. errrr...
lama lagi..
hehhe.

tioman - season 1

2010-06-16T00:22:00.000+08:00

this is where we started our trip.. the plan was to meet up at 930-10pm.. of course.. always always remember to add malaysian time..

coz thats how WE do it.

it was a big group.. we convoyed from KL to Tg Gemuk... about 5-6-7 cars? im guessing here.. i didnt do a head count or car count.. for that matter..

this is us waiting for the ferry..
group photo is always almost a must do.

see the pass.. ??
by the way.. if u squint.. u can see me at the background.. hhehe
penting tu..

this one no need of squiting.. see my big head ..

having slept most of the way [which btw.. thank you vincy for driving :)] ..i managed to look slightly better than bida (*ugly).. though my back hurts.. and yes.. my face bit bloated there coz had to take that pil which postpone that time of the month..

its a girl thing. sucks big time..
bloated i tell u.. bloated..

bikini bod all gone down the drain.. not that i have one to begin with.. still..

finally.. boarding time.. thats our ferry to tioman.. mcm dejavu pulak.. feels like only yesterday. though it has been over a year ago...

the best thing about going to hols with big group is that you have lots of friends around you all the time.. but the slack part is that.. time order makan.. tunggu berjam-jam for one miserable order.. itu pun kalau sempat..

coz.. not much time u know.. dive lagi penting..

this is the scene of the crime..

yup.. thats me essembling my gear.. me & my buddy vman took our advance open water cert. no exam.. all exercises are done in water.. so its almost like fun dive all the way..

i loike.

my latest ms pinky is put to test. she passed with flying colours.
though i kinda need to get a new booty..
its too low for this atomic fin.

im not sure whats happening here.. everybody gather around this small confined place.. took group photo yg tak jadi.. i just had to hold on to something..

air finishing. bouyancy out. u do the maths.

having diving out of the way.. u can always play beach volleyball. while enjoying the sunset..
or u can tonggeng like this to check if got ghost or not.. which i now confirmed dont have.. at least i didnt get to see one that time.. which is a good thing..

not that i wanted to see one anyway..

of course - being away from the mainland and reality.. u need to loosen up abit. mental wise in particular. drink & dive is almost synonym. as long as you can control and able to get up the next day, drink all u can. who's gonna stop you?

but better dont. coz susah if hangover..
not siok that.

this is some part of us layaning screwdriver.. and talk kok.. cant really remember the topic of conversation.. my brain usage is almost zero. which i like. hehe..

while u are at that & by 'that' i meant the drinking session.. bbq-ing is a very good idea.
pusas.. as said by the people from the tanah below the angin :)

anyway.. it was too short of a trip..

but yg penting and to cut long story short.. i got my advance cert..

rescue coming right up.. errr.. not so soon la..
but soon enough.

:)

up up and away...

2010-06-12T09:08:00.003+08:00

wanted to post both my tioman trip..
but somehow.. my heart's too heavy and im not even sure why..

something is bothering me big time and yet i just cant put my finger on it.

anyway.. few days back.. for the first time in years i got real sick.. over some small cut and blister on my right foot.. had migraine from hell which is incurable - not by actifast which i usually took.. it goes right through my eyes and brain.. and i literally cried.. i felt like passing out then and there.. called york while i was in hell to fetch me coz i know, she wouldnt be able to say no to me at that condition.

remember people.. i dont get sick easily..

and when i finally did.. i was not even sick.. i was in pain.. literally torture from the highest level. my feet swollen.. for a minute i cant even stand without having this poking sensation (apa bah tu?) to my feet goes up right up to my brain.

its a 'u have to be there kinda thing'..

but i was rather dissapointed with my so called assistant. so called coz my instruction doesnt seem to go into her head and she still as relax as ever and im still doing most of the clerical stuff that i shouldnt be doing. she called me over and over and over and leaving message and call me over and over and over... and when i finally YM her.. it was something so minute that inside me just gave up. that was the day i told my self.. im quitting this job coz i really couldnt stand her anymore.

maybe its the medicine doing stuff in my brain..i dont blog about my job coz thats one life that i love to leave behind given the chance. but i truly cannot stand it anymore.

whatever it is.. it is weekend.. im fully rest and charged - of course after going to tioman twice, if im still in need of a holiday.. somebody's gonna give me big slap on my face.. or big spank more like.

now.. im in need of some tlc. been doing all this activities.. kinda forgotten my normal weekend... shoppings.. coffees.. readings.. missing all that now..

but one thing for sure.. i do miss that dinding..

literally both that dinding..

and my very own super dinding man.

haha.

where art thou mr p?

*one time...

2010-05-25T00:01:00.006+08:00

she was in bed when her phone rang..

"hey you.." the voice at the other line said.
"hey..." was all she managed to say.
"you just got up?"
"im sick.."

and she was actually f.o.r r.e.a.l sick. not just feigning sympathy. well, she kinda did - in a way.

"how sick..?" he asked jokingly.
"i cant get up.. i cant even eat.. and im so hungry.." also true.

ok... there's nothing wrong with a li'l bit of exageration here and there right?

they were going through some rough patches in their relationship lately and she was glad that she was sick enough not having to think about anything else besides sleeping. and she had been doing alot of that - meaning sleeping - that day. she had taken MC and was glad that she didnt really have to think about work as well for now.

"you gone to the clinic yet?"
"yeah.. this morning. i had to get my MC, remember?"
"and you havent taken your dinner yet?" he asked again.
"nah.. i think i'll just go back to sleep.."
"ok... take care of yourself there.. sleep tight.."
"kay..." she said reluctantly... feeling rather disappointed.

'that's it?? sleep tight? what the hell man..' her head said and she made faces to the phone almost wishing that he could see through it..

almost.

after hanging up.. she wondered how stupid and oblivious some guys are.. why cant they just come and carry her to the restaurant and force feed her making sure she ate something? why cant they read mind?

its the rule of thumb to always eat before taking medicine, no?

or maybe just a little bit of TLC wouldnt hurt, right?

she muttered to herself some toilet-trash words meant for stupid guy everywhere - him in particular - and as sick as she was, there was no way she could go back to sleep now..

she went to the living room wearing her big sweater with her blanket wrapped around her.. and joined her roomies watching whatever that was on tv. not that she's paying any attention anyway.

she was still fuming.

after a while, she fell asleep on the sofa until a soft repeated knock on the front door woke her up. she looked at her roomies and none of them were paying much attention to the door.. pretending more like it.

she gave a deadly stare towards her roomies while walking - well... dragging more like it to show how sick she was - towards the front door still whining in her head *errr... softly* why nobody cares.. people sick ler.

almost dying even..

where's the TLC..?? damn you biatches..
arent sick people supposed to be treated like a king??
err something like that????

when she opened the door.. her heart jumped seeing the face she so missed..

soared, more like it...

"chicken porridge ok for you??" he asked with a smile.

she smiled.
her heart smiled.
or dare she admits..

even her soul smiled.

she was overly surprised. in a good way. always.
she loves L.O.V.E.S. surprises. and she always thought that men stop doing all that since the extinction of dinnasour..

- and she was 'almost' right most of the time *emphasize added* -

'he's not that stupid afterall' she told herself and quickly take back whatever bad words she might have said (or thought) within the last hour or so..

"im ditching off work for a while to get you this. here. eat, take your medicine. sleep. i'll call you later." with that he went off after giving her quick peck on her cheek.

and she realised a tiny spark in her heart which started out small and B.U.R.S.T. in her system..

her life takes a new form since then.
before.

and after.

p.s. happy birthday you.

"blessed are those who give without remembering
- and take without forgetting. "

introducing another ms pinky..

2010-05-16T00:08:00.001+08:00

about a year ago after taking my OWD cert.. i found myself without any gang to dive..

my then dive buddy was busy with other activities..

so was i actually..

as usual - life takes over..
work - mostly.
sleep...

not to mention i was on one holiday after another.. some impromptu.. some pre-planned. but still no diving..

until 2 spots were made available (*due to some cancellation i think.. thank you for cancelling whoever you are btw*) at the very eleventh hour for a diving trip to sipadan..

i jumped at the chance..

obviously.

i 1st asked a possible diving buddy.. mrAhem.. but he just had a back operation.. so diving even in the far future is bleak i have to say..

i then asked a not so possible not-diving buddy ... as this mrAhem2 cant swim nor float to safe his life.. but life again gets in the way.. or probably its just me he said no to...

i then asked VSK.. hahha.. mind you.. all are done simultaneously.. so... whoever said yes first will be in.. if all 3 said yes.. then all the better.. i'll just make up stories to whomever yg i dun want...

hahaha..

so.. needless to say.. im able to re-activate my abandoned hobby.. VSK is taking her OW.. so's GKC.. both i've been trying to convince that its another world down there... when actually its just all water.. a salty water.. heheh...

well... the point to this story is that.. now that its on again.. and im taking my advance very very very soon.. me thinks its a good reason to invest another diving gear..

see my new fin??

ms pinky2.. nice kan.. got split split.. recommended for ladies..

yeah... simply only they put in the recommendation.. cost about RM4++/-

the best thing is that.. it matches with my mask..

click HERE...

saw??? kan.. apa sia bilang.. :D

on the downside.. im very the miskin now..

whatever it is.. hope everything goes well later.. not just me.. but also VSK yang dunno how to swim/float.. eh.. which one already ah??

hmmm.. lama lagi.. 2 weeks to go bebeh!!

i need to get away from here.. FAST..
i cant breathe here..
so any reason to get the hell out.. is always a good reason.

p.s.
be gone. stay gone.

spidey attempt..

2010-05-07T01:44:00.006+08:00

venue: seksyen 13, shah alam.. some extreme sport place..

dunno la what u call that place..
the plan was to watch them do the climbing wall bit.

yeah right..
when did i ever go according to plan anyway... right?

to do or not to do??
can or not??
cannot reach - how?

"cannnn..." they all said.
"can one.."

so.. can la..

first few steps.. macam senang ni..

still can..

now.. both my arms and legs starting to bergegar already..
where to reach next ah??

my hand short la wei...

still trying..

"luruskan kaki kiri.. push ur body.."

demmit...

seee la...
how not "womanly" that position is..

stretch.. reach...

jauh lagi ka???

"almost there eSKay.."

this part i think was the hardest one for me..
everything was far..
bear with me people with the whinnings
hehhee.. yeah i whined alot..

kenot reach.. i wanna go down...
my hand sakit already...

"sikit lagi eSKay..." principal said..

arggghhh..
why la i do this? why la..

woweee..
even i can see the top..

almost there..
dont give up now..

last step.. before im allowed to go down..
yay!!

first attempt.. passed with flying colours..
weeeehoooooooooo!!!
:D

best...
syok giler i tell u.....

as NIKE once said,
Just Do It.

today..
i think i just did.

:)

back to school...

2010-05-03T09:38:00.013+08:00

the venue was Sekeping Tenggiri @ Jln Tenggiri, Bangsar..

its a 2 units of 2 storey houses (well, i think its 2 units) converted into a homestay or well.. something like that.. Im not sure what to call it.. coz its not B&B - seeing that breakfast are not provided.. and its not really a hotel.. its just a small resort kinda thing.

whatever la.

the place is super nice. cozy. the designs are basic with an edge. most are recycled stuff - and the materials used are mostly raw materials. that's ID terms i quoted straight from VSK.

anyway... see that pool there? that's where everybody - and i do mean - e.v.e.r.y.b.o.d.y. was thrown into. you can either do it voluntarily, which most of the guys did - minus a few - or by force - which most of the girls chose to put themselves in that predicament.

as for me, i didnt plan to jump at all and i thought i was safe coz i kinda told everybody that i didnt bring any change of clothes. which was true. for insurance, i put my hp nicely in my pinafore pocket. but, as the night progresses.. i knew it then it was only a matter of time.

the guys came to me without any warning... i kena 3 times.

1st time when i was still dry and still looking super cute (ahem!). even holding my handphone with dear life couldnt safe me. thank you adam.

the 2nd time when i was already 70% dry. thank you boy.

the 3rd time when i was already wet.. trying to dry myself. thank you danjoe.

nanti korang!!

the rule was ALL EXIT WET. no exception.
demmit.

well.. the reason for the occasion was to celebrate az.reen's birthday. met her during the mabul/sipadan trip. and here, we joined her group of friends instead.

the best thing was that, large number of that group shall be going to that tioman diving trip end of this may. so, if anything, this would be the best way to break the ice.

there are alot of other pictures - if u r in FB, probably u can see some of it. there's almost 200 pictures there just from the night itself.

otherwise, some of it, u may find in VSK's blog : Class of 2010

the above pics were self timed which took 10 shots. but only a few is available in fb. the rule is to look at the *pose* of each one of them and without even seeing the rest of the pictures, u will know (kinda) that they are not just crazy bunch of peopple but for real, macam monyet..

hehehhehe....

but what really amazes me was that..

why is it that i look much younger and *in the zone* now..??

compare to back then??

or is it just me - in denial?
oh damn.

from mabul with love.

2010-04-28T11:45:00.002+08:00

people said a picture paints a thousand word.

so.. im gonna tell my mabul-sipadan story with pictures.
and a few words..

woke up around 630am. the plan was to be at the jetty by 7am.
by 830am, we were still having breakfast.. of course..

this is part of us. 6 divers & the rest are snorkelers.

1st dive @ sibuan

without wet suit.

yup.. i now know how it feels like to dive in your bikini.
which is super-great. easy. ringan.

cold?? at times..

but, this is m'sia la.. where got cold one..?

with my diving buddy - mr vincy.

thank you buddy for taking the time to turn left / right to check whether im still around :) much appreciated.

and thank you for bringing your underwater cam.
me likey!!!

havent been diving for more than a year. surprisingly, it is true what people said.
it is exactly like riding bycicle.

*though i dont really know how to cycle*

its the terminology. not literally.

2nd day dive @ sipadan. this time got wet suit.

mesti tu. im preparing to meet up with mr sharky. dive master promised me.
"sure got shark one... confirmed!!"

and im not meeting mr sharky looking all meaty.

after seeing the first mr turtle - they tend to appear everywhere. the biggest i've seen was almost as big as me.

and mind you, im small. so, try not to be too impressed.

and yeah.. a li'l bit of exageration there.. but then again - you'll never know.

somehow, they are just beautiful underwater. especially when they swam away from you going towards the deeper end. it takes every muscle in me not to hang on to their shell (is that what you called it??) and follow them lepaking somewhere else..

ahh... little nemo.. its one of them favourite of mine.. u can almost see them everytime u go down.. sure one.. and it never ceases to amaze me. they look friendly. playful.

cubuk-cubuk. tapuk-tapuk. how do you beat that?

well.. if u r not a diver.. there's nothing to stop you from snorkeling. ALMOST as good. but not quite.. just dive already people!

sibuan island. the underwater may be *not that good* but the island is as beautiful as you can see here. the water is as crystal clear. the sand is as white and supersoft.

the bollywood should film here and make the hero & heroine rolling rolling here.

u dont get to go these kind of beaches (ok island) every day. so, when u do have the chance - enjoy every minute of it.

jump like orang gila.

or just rendam there... while u contribute to the masin-ess of the sea.. :)

or just main siram-siram..
*oh my sig*

or just cam whore all the way..

back in uncle chang, where we stayed during our times in mabul, when u do find a free day where u r neither diving nor snorkeling at the various dives site.. either YOU jump..

or.. they'll make you jump..

lepaking with new friends wouldn't hurt either.

or just take a walk under that very very super hot sun..

there will be a lot of paparazi waiting.. so, remember to look your very best...
in case kena candid..

and witness one of God's great creation..

and when the night comes.. just chill..
smile at the camera..

enter frame every chances you get..

the sun will rise again.

and at the end of the day.. you'll realised that you may have made friendship that could last forever.

coz.. no matter how high you get..
you'll always have one thing in common..
you shared mabul once.

and for that.. always look back.. coz u'll never know..

the places you left behind could always be that one place that you may want to go back to one day.

till one day.

new beginning?

2010-04-16T00:08:00.000+08:00

ok.. got this from my astrology email i received from that astrology website thingy from time to time.. the new moon apparently started on 14th.. but in the dictionary of eSKay.. stuff doesnt happen overnight... so.. the reading should still be applicable for the next few days..

heee..

anyway.. here goes..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Wednesday April 14, there is a new Moon in Aries - the most vibrant and inspirational of all new Moons of the year. New Moons happen when the Sun and Moon fall in the same place celestially and are always about new beginnings.

It is a time when it is vital to get your head (Sun) and your heart (Moon) -- together.

This is the only way you can get wholeheartedly behind whatever emotional changes or projects take root at this time.

New Moons are only slivers of light in the sky, so this will not be a spectacular even by any chance. But this is the time to sow the seeds, nurture them carefully and watch them grow. You need a vision -- which is the idea; you need a plan -- which is the realistic way of moving towards your cherished goal.

Then you need patience -- which isn't the same as doing nothing -- it is all about helping along what you want to happen.

This is one of the most opportune times to your chance to push ahead with plans and projects that are most important to you personally, and not become distracted by those close at hand or what may be happening in the world.

Since this particular Aries New Moon is in easy aspect to Neptune, being creative or being spiritual will be all the more important. Listen to that inner voice, and you will know which dream is being awakened from its slumbers.

And remember the old saying: 'The dreamers of the day act with their eyes open and make it happen.' This Aries New Moon falls widely square (90 degrees) to this year's Solar Eclipses so you may feel you are going against the grain.

The only thing that is important is that it feels right for you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

oooohh... i love!!

what to do? what to do??

hmmm... suddenly busy ni..

for a friend.

2010-04-14T00:01:00.004+08:00

about a decade ago in a place not so very far from here, i met someone. it was destined - i guess. im inclined to think so now.

I was still in the process of mending a broken heart back then - and getting over someone was never really my forte. i never really get the hang of it. so, i take it as a sign from someone 'upthere' when this someone who bears the same name that i cant seem to get over with approached me that night at deevee8, out of nowhere asked me,

"are you a libran?"

which i thought was wierd. i turned to look at him with my 'wtf' face and said, "seriously. that's your pick up line?"

"got you there, didnt i?"

somehow, he did got me there.. we talked - introduced ourselves. blah blah blah.

i seriously think it was the name. we clicked. we became good friends -gradually. we kinda lost touch at first. but somehow, we found each other again and over the years, we became closer almost going into 'grey areas' where you cant even define your friendship anymore.

"thin line" - that's all i can say.

heee...

what good about this guy was that he saw it through me. the best – the worst and everything in between. we probably laughed about the same thing. 'probably' coz i couldnt remember much nowadays. or maybe i chose to not remember it.

he knows my fear. he knows my then-dreams.
i guess.

for a long time, I felt comfortable having him in my life. as friend. he was safe. he was someone I could be in the same room with not talking about anything at all or doing anything in particular - and at the end of that day, feeling like I have the best conversation ever.

someone who laughed through all my stupidity. someone who brought me back to reality when I kept on going back (or at least wanted to) to the same guy who caused me more pain than anything else.

he was there at the right time to pick up the pieces that was already in pieces before that.

with him, i know i can pick up the phone at any time of the day - even during odd hours - and know that there will be a voice at the end of that line to bear whatever meaningless question that might pop up in my head.

i know in my hearts of hearts that i can rely on this guy if my car ever died on me in the middle of nowhere.

i know i dont have to think twice about asking him - i dont even have to wonder whether im intruding his overly busy schedule. nevermind the fact that i dont have a car back then nor do i even dare to drive. thats beside the point.

its the metaphore people!

other days, i can just text him "tell me something nice." or "give me some word of wisdom" and he will do just that immediately. and my spirit will just take a drastic turn. days would be better.

and i'd like to think that i was all that to him as well.

one day, I found myself standing strong again and i was feeling rather restless. feeling like i needed to get away from everything... feeling that it was time to take my life seriously. overhaul it or something.

and I left everything about me that day. and, everything about me back then include him.

we lost touch.

my mind did wonder about him every now and then.

few years later, I found out he’s married. since i was not informed about it (not by him), i never really even bother calling him up and convey to him my heartiest congratulations. which i would. given the chance.

whatever happens, he’ll always be one of that dearest fren in my then life. I only wish I had the chance to tell him that. who knows, one day, this blog may reach him somehow.

fate & coincidence always work in mysterious way.

and to you my friend, happy birthday.
and yeah.. happy v.a.s.a.k.h.i. day as well.

thank you for everything.
appreciate it.

over and out.
:)

Im Loving It...

2010-04-08T21:51:00.005+08:00

my girlfriends and i at times have this email chain going.. where we email to a group of us talking about whatever topic that pops out from our McGirly's head.. and at times the email went on and on ... it totally run away from tha topic that we're actually discussing..

i mean im not really sure why we didnt just conference YM or IM.. seeing that our email sometimes is as short as "haha"

go figure..

i kinda love today's topic and i cant help smiling when reading or replying..

basically, a fren of mine is moving to another company.. where she will be dealing with alot of doctors...

now.. who wouldnt be interested right?
of couse.. thanks to grey's anatomy.. now.. i tend to think all doctors look like McDreamy or McSteamy.. or those other little Mc-s in there that are not assigned to any McMenu...

the followings are some part of those conversations.. only those with regards to those Mc-s.

Female1 : yay!! i book McHottie and McNice
Female2 : i want McPerfect McTheOne. sekian terima kasih.
Female3 : that's so McImpossible. All so McKabaret these days :P
Female2 : i know. so very the McDrama and McLiar lagi kan?
Female4: wah smua suda kena book ka? McFrens ma.. can la...
Female1 : we are so gonna be McSingle forever..... *blah.blah.blah.*... so gonna do my project there.
Female3 : project? pray do tell..
Female2 : McSingle? *sigh* but but but i want my happily ever after :D
Female1 : project mengurat McDivers
Female2 : sini banyak divers McBuncit. mau?
Female3 : Mwahahha. Mrs McDivers McBuncit..
Female1 : hahhah.. if i end up with McBuncit.. sure got something special pasal dorang tu kan.. maybe McBig?
Female2 : BIG MAC or QUARTER POUNDER. LOL
Female1 : hhahah.. dun wan.. hmmm.. *blah.blah.* hhahah.. how to meet my McMrRite like this.. haishhhh..

hahaha..

yup..

we girls got nothing better to do at times..
but i love them to bits for making me smile *and laugh* today.

you go McGirlfriends..
see you on labour day.

don McForget ah..

Di Pintu Syurga..

2010-04-07T22:47:00.004+08:00

its wierd..

i kinda dreamt something which somehow reminds me of the song.. and i woke up wanting to hear it..

it was on repeat in my car just now.. until i've had enough of it.. and yeah i wouldnt want it to give me some kind of sign while being on the road.. it was a longggggggg journey home just now.. whats with the jam and i missed the first singer in american idol.

damn... nasib baik si budak yg nyanyi.. so its all good..

By KRU ft. Elite

whatever it is/was my dream is telling me.. i kinda like this song.. dont mind the music video.. they all look super young then..

so sad kan..
the song.
not me.

coz i would surely wait at the heaven's door had i gone first.. of course provided i didnt end up "NOT there"..

haha.

owell..

over and out.

counting down..

2010-04-06T23:22:00.004+08:00

10 days to go...

yay!!!

psstttt.

the best part of a holiday is perhaps not so much to be resting yourself,

but to see (*or know*) all your other friends and colleagues are busy working.

muahahhahaha..

post easter..

2010-04-05T18:10:00.002+08:00

a few easters ago.. well.. long long time ago.. during easter weekend.. my heart got broken into tiny little pieces. which was weird coz it was already broken to begin with.. and yet, it amazes me how it can get broken some more..

anyway.. it was way past midnight.. and i knew he would be driving home that time. what i didnt expect was that - he wasnt alone.

due to his supposedly 'overly-over-the-top-till-go-toilet-also-cannot' busy schedule (*or at least that was what i was led to believe - which i did*) - we didnt really get to spend so much time together. we did - i guess - but now that i think about it, it was not as much as i would've expected from my then boyfriend - i would say.

it was one of them relationship that was so wrong to begin with, to be in and to end with.

but having been in a normal relationship before - where the guys are somewhat normal and trustworthy, nothing really prepared me for this guy. everything about him screams 'liar'. i knew it. everybody kinda imply it to me. but i never really acknowledged it.

i know there are guys like him out there. i just never thought i would be unfortunate enough to have met him. its like, you tend to think all these bad things only happen to other people. never to you. and i didnt really think i was 'evil' enough to have deserved such experience.

anyway - i never really explained to people what happened.. it seems easier to act sad and depressed (which i was anyway) than to admit i've been played for a fool.

coz nobody wants to admit they are just foolish and naive to all this.

but now that i think about it, what's the harm in admitting that i was a fool and was naive?

coz i was..
and i still am.

but.. truth is, even if there were signs everywhere telling me to run before its too late, though i dont really trust him, i tend to believe whatever 'excuses' there is/are.

so... i kinda get the concept that trusting someone is totally different from believing someone. one can exist without the other.

its just that.. if you find yourself in that situation.. just one advise.. let go..
just let go.

so anyway, back to that fateful night, i heard a female's voice somewhere at the background. and i asked him like any other normal gf would've asked, "are you alone there?"

Him: I'm driving la..
sK : Tell me you are alone there..
Him : Call you back later.
sK : No. Say it outloud first.

the female character in that car with him laughed. God knows why.

my then heart dropped to a point of no return. damn it. it effing hurts.

sK : Just say it.

(*had he said it, i would've taken his word literally*) - wierd eh?

Him : Why are you so stupid?

and he hang up on me like he did million times before.

it was only at that point of time when everything becomes crystal clear.. there were suddenly pointers everywhere showing to all the signs which i never really saw before or may have refused to see..

that was the first time when i questioned my self-worthiness (if there's such a word). my self-esteem had gone down the drain. gone are my self-worth. gone are my water-face. gone everything. i never really feel like a downright outcast until that day.

i mean you broke someone's heart. it happens to the very best of us. but never in my life had i put the other person so low like the other person worth nothing. or worst lower than nothing.

believe me. it took few years for me to gain back that confidence. though i dont think i ever really get most of it back but i do know now that i am worth something. that THIS guy doesnt define me.

what i really wanted to know after all these years was that, why me? what did i do? and the worst thing was that, we were friends prior to the relationship.

its not something i would wish to befall on any of my younger sibblings. or to my goodfriends. coz its not really a good place to be in.

but when you are THAT young, nothing is grey. its only either black or white. you tend to think that bad things only happend to bad people.

funny why i re-live that moment now. it was easter few days back and i was reading through my journal. and i remembered what it felt like to be stupid. so, since i cant seem to stop thinking about it, better blog about it.. and let this be a lesson to girls every where.

that some guys can be THAT mean. no matter what excuses you put inside your head or you make yourself believe, some guys are capable just about everything. and if you're lucky enough, the next guy - even if it didnt lasts, will erase that moment. and you will feel good about yourself again.

dont get me wrong. that moment is way behind me. i dont really give it much thought until last weekend. and i never really put all my hatred (*which i should*) on that guy. coz, no matter what happens, you cant tell your feelings that what you felt was wrong (*though it was*). you feel what you felt.

it is what it is.

anyway.. this is such a wierd entry. dun u think?

i think so. but since this is my blog - who's gonna stop me right?

it has been a long weekend. and having nothing better to do - it got me into alot of thinking. that there are alot of stories untold in my life. that if i were to die tomorrow, maybe, i never really get to tell people these stories. and whatever it is in my blog will be whats left to be interpreted.

they said there are 2 sides of each story. there are many sides to the above moment. some are left untold coz its easier that way. as for his side of his story, welll.. thats another story.

maybe one day.
or maybe not.

like i said, its easier that way.

:)

and thats how, the story ends.

finding nemo...

2010-03-29T19:53:00.004+08:00

i woke up this morning feeling very very restless..

checked with my sis if everything's ok at home.. she said apart from nenek perempuan whom is 'sakit biasa2' - meaning nothing serious.. all is ok at home.. checked with *cough.cough*.. also sounded like normal only..

then after lunch LK called me.. "eeee Na.. im also feeling restless la suddenly.."

by nature, i tend to get worried - overly so - over people whom i suppose is ok.. but it doesnt stop me from reminding God of our deal made a long time ago.. :)

after work.. LK called me again.. "Na.. i know already why u feeling like that.. they put nemo to sleep just now..."

sad... im sad.. my only partner in crime gone to the other side..

once, when i was still living in KK.. around 7-8 years ago - nemo got lost.. my mum & dad went around the whole kampung to look for him.. a neighbour found him initially but didnt know who it belongs to.. and gave it to a little girl who brought it home with her..

yup.. my dad went to her house to request for the return of nemo..

hahha.. my memory of nemo is during his younger days.. actually im not sure whether its a 'he' or 'she'..

he was in such a good care until he was taken over by the 'other' side. and from then on.. all i can see is that he's getting older and older.. and the last time i went back home.. he was in such a sorry state..

i dun really peluk2 dogs u know.. but this one.. when he was young.. i love peluk2 him like crazy .. i love bullying him.. and making him go round and round.. weird dog.. but adorable nonetheless..

VSK called him my partner in crime..

hmmm..

i guess this is goodbye then..

Thou shall not shop..

2010-03-24T00:22:00.001+08:00

... unnecessarily..

for the attention of all my financial manager which i have appointed so far (but failed miserably!!) and which i will be appointing from time to time to control on my spending drift..

1. books shall not be considered as shopping. afterall, it is allowable as tax deduction. that cannot be a bad thing now.. no?

2. buying more than 1 handbag in a day (ok.. in a month even) is a shopping NO. NO. but not if the handbag is on 50% on sale (or G forbids.. 70%) or if its entirely for a different purpose (like one cant use the same handbag for night and day - right? nor can one use one for jalan2 at inanam - for example - and the same for clubbings - or going to the beach - nor if its a different colour entirely to fit a new attire one just bought (will be explained more below)... nor if its the handbag one has always wanted (and i can even come up with the number of years i've been meaning to get it)... norrrrr if it cums in that nice pastel pink...)

damn!!

3. i know we only have one feet. buttttttttttt..... sandals & flip-flop are not shoes.. and i cant use that 4inch heels to go shopping now can i? so.. that 3 inch shoe is/are a necessity.. for pakto shoe.. by the way, i REALLY am in need of new working shoe.. mine is so worn out.. overly so.. betul this!!

4. one cant have enough jeans. the last one i bought i was 46kg.. (ahem!! around there la. maybe more but lets not go there..) NOW... im somewhere 39-40kg.. (*evil laugh*).. i can practically take off my jeans UNZIPPED! need i say MORE!!! and i cant use my jeans of 10 years ago (though i was at that same weight) coz all so very the tinggi the pinggang.. its mummy's jeans!! remember E's BIG FASHION NO-NO.. seee.. i follow advise only..

5. what do you mean i dont need working clothes.. ALL my working clothes are shapeless now.. all "lugai-lugai" according to CK.. not professional la like that..

6. i need new 'undergarments'.. yeah well.. i forgot that when u start losing weight .. THAT 'upper'part also gone with the wind.. sedih you know.. SEDIH!!!... got space some more.. oh the depression!!!

7. yeah well.. wat do u mean i dont need any other attire.. didnt u hear me?? all suda jadi baggy...

*aiseymen*

continue on....

8. if i-phone coming out (*cough*july*cough*) with smaller and thinner design (and in PINK).. OF COURSE its a necessity!! what do u mean NO??

9. i always said one day my prince charming will come and buy me a watch. apparently, a friend told me, its not a good gift to buy or receive watch as a gift. go figure!! its a gift no?? well.. looks like i have to invest this myself. I DO need to know the time KANNNNNNNN...

10. let me just clear it with the hangbags again... just so you really understand.. having a slighly square-ish handbag and slightly long-ish handbag doesnt mean that you already have handbags.. that round-ish handbag is a totally different purchase.. errr... same goes for the colour..

so.. there goes.

if i ever buy other stuff that may deemed unnecessarily other than for those reason mentioned hereinabove.. you may have the right to take my cash.. my atm card .. my mr goldie.. away.. far away from me - with immediate effect..

i may try to fight for a while there with all my might but im small only what.. can one..

i trust in you my financial manager(s)..
please stop me from buying frenzy.

but really.. i havent been on a buying sphere la..
i am a very disciplined and in control.

:)

now.. how do i win that magnum 4d jackpot?

p.s. how to not miss u?

i wish..

2010-03-23T00:08:00.002+08:00

i wish for alot of things.

but for now.. i wish for once i have that certain someone here. and i can actually..

- TALK to this someone.
- SEE this someone.
- TOUCH this someone.

without this someone disintegrating into thin air..

i've had it enough with the technology. i've had it enough with putting up alphabets together to form words with the hope of reaching that someone. i've had it enough with all this SMSing... YMing.. MSNing.. Emailing..

not to say im not gonna use it for my benefit. im just saying - its starting to lose its appeal.

well.. basically, im just fed up with all of this.

i wish i can RELY on that someone and knowing that i can ACTUALLY rely on them when im in need - like life & death situation - no matter how busy life gets in the way.

i wish that someone can just say what they mean. say what they really want. say what they really think. and stop with the 'we shall see' which leads to nowhere.

i wish i can say alot of things without sounding stupid.

i wish im strong enough to say f-off.
i wish i can just be indifference.
i wish i can just have selected amnesia.

most of all,
i wish i dont have to wish.

p.s. another entry full of crap.
or so it seems.

:P

A woman without man is like a fish needs a bicycle

2010-03-22T09:24:00.004+08:00

what does it even mean?

im not sure what was the conversation all about. let alone the topic.

but i do know it was about fish riding a bicycle.

this is weird.

cos i dreamt about it last nite. something like that.
i woke up this morning wanting to find this.

p.s. so D.. eat ur heart out. told u i'll find proof.

:)

Angels Cry

2010-03-19T00:07:00.001+08:00

Mariah:
I shouldn't have walked away
I would've stayed if you said
We could've made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
'Member we used to touch the sky
And

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we goin' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Ne-Yo:
I thought we'd be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn't always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin' stupid
And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
And

We were so good together
How come we could not weather?
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye?

'Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry

Mariah & Ne-Yo:
C'mon babe can't our love be revived?
Bring it back and we goin' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
But we let it slip
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Oh babe, the angels cry

performed by:
Mariah Carey ft. Ne-Yo

hint

2010-03-18T03:06:00.004+08:00

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. ~Author Unknown

Lucas Scott: Anyways, I don't get why you're so upset.

Brooke: You're kidding, right?

Lucas Scott: You're the one who wanted to be non-exclusive. I'm just doing what you wanted.

Brooke: What I wanted? I wanted you to fight for me! I wanted you to say that there was no-one else you could ever be with and that you'd rather be alone then without me. I wanted the Lucas Scott from the beach telling the world that he's the one for me!

Lucas Scott: How was I supposed to know that?

Brooke: You just are.

[one tree hill]

*sigh* : sk

welcoming you...

2010-03-17T02:58:00.000+08:00

its almost 3am.

go figure.

i was preparing to sleep slightly after midnight just now. more like 'pancing' tidur.. counting sheep - so to say.. and im almost getting there.. ALMOST!! and that biatch.. gontoyork had to call me.. "cum cum inside my room... we need to discuss..." and then, i said a quick yes.. hang up and went back to sleep.. and few seconds later.. i heard from a distance 'linaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... linaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'..

blardy hell..

and guess what happen? she was online the whole time. in the process of waiting for the discussion to start.. i drank nescafe.. so im wide awake now.. with nobody to kacau at this hour..

oh.. did i mention that we didnt even get to discuss anything?

yup.

wait lah u gontoyork..

heheh.

anyway... this was all due to this family reunion we're gonna have soon.. its my father's mother's side reunion.. paternal maternal - the soluoi descendants. im all over the other side of the sea.. and after the 2nd committee meeting, apparently, im in the welcoming commitee. supposed to come up with some sort of proposal.

damn..

of course.. i quickly booked the girls to become my kuli-kuli.. hahha.. CK, LK, VSK & MK. my bro.. whom is the floor committee tried to sabotage that by getting VSK or whoever la.. hahha.. owell.. mine easy job tau... senyum2.. welcome2.. finish story.

of course.. having a small part in the reunion - which initially i thought im just gonna show up with some kick-arse purple/black dress.. now i have to come up with some kick-arse ideas on how to welcome people.

and i do have some general ideas already.
of course i do. ideas are good. its the execution that can screw the whole thing up.

truthfully, i dont even know the names of half of my relatives. i may know the faces.. those that are from my generation at least.. but the younger generation.. im a total lost case. i think my younger bro, BK may know most of them more.. so, i kinda need to work on that..

i know alot of people are excited with the reunion thingy.. im on the fence to tell u the truth.. coz, with every reunion... the question always comes up. and its just not any question.. its THE question..

and i so very the dreaded the moment.

coz i truly dont have the answer.

well.. like they said.. there's always tomorrow.
and i always wonder.. sepa bah "they" ni...? "they" seems to come up with alot of things kan..

haha.

ok la..
off to counting elephant.

over and out.

fast one..

2010-03-15T09:32:00.002+08:00

im having a crappy month.
and its only the 15th.

nope. im not having that time of the month.
im not sure what is messing me up.

but something definitely is.

i cant wait for my holidays. yup. plural.
i think i need it more than i realized.

i just wish its due to other reasons than the one in my head.

oh well..
cant have it all now, cant we?

Eclipse

2010-03-12T11:41:00.002+08:00

yeah.. well.. dont get so excited over it...

the 2 earlier installations didnt really live up to my expectations..
but what the hell.

right..?

im already a fan of the book..
so, i might as well.. see how they (whoever la) ruin edward in the process.

eclipse was my favourite of the series. especially the camping part. so, im not sure how is it gonna be potrayed in the movie.

jacob is super-HOT.
so, no complains there.

June 30, 2010

block your date now people!

hmmm....

2010-03-09T00:46:00.002+08:00

think i can pull this one off?

nooo.. not being pregnant.
tho u know. never know..
haha.

but seriously, i meant
- the hair part?

what do u think?

should i? or should i not?

that is the question....

Gravity

2010-03-05T01:09:00.003+08:00

Something always
- brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
... than to drown in your love
.... and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
... just the way I'm supposed to be
but you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
and I thought that I was strong
but you touch me for a little while
... and all my fragile strength is gone

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
... just the way I'm supposed to be
but you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
.. as I try to make you see
that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe
... though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that
... you're keeping me down

- keeping me down down
you're on to me, you're on to me .. you're all over

something always brings me back to you
... it never takes too long

By: Sara Barailles

my new bff

2010-03-03T00:08:00.001+08:00

its only march.

and i cant imagine how long are we gonna be exposed to this extreme heat.. not only its super duper hot outside and inside.. at times, its very hard to even breath.. thre's just not enough air to breath in..

arggghh...

and it doesnt help if the air cond at the office sometimes collapse.. due to - well, im not sure why.. if i know why. maybe i can fix it eh..

anyway.. seeing that its hot outside.. my old forgotten bestfriend decided to come back and taunt me.. after being M.I.A for the most part of last year.. mr migrane seems to have adopted loyalty in his nature in that it sticks by me through thick and thin.. once, it lasted for 3 months or more.. and when i said 3 months.. i meant that literally. continuously. every single f'ing day - hour - minute - second. i had to take painkillers like every hour or so.. and it doesnt even help.

im still having trauma over it.

when it was finally over.. i wonder what i did to make it end coz now, its attacking me again. and its only the first week of living with my newfound BFF.

its hard waking up with mr migrane to hang on to.. its like having hangover everyday. and i wouldnt mind that abit had i partied like hell the night before.

at least something kan?

mr migrane.. please go away.. dont come back tomorrow.

i miss my migrane-free days.

please God.. make it rain more often.. no need to banjir-banjir alll.. just enough to make the temperature go down.. and maybe.. i dun have to befriend this mr migrane as much.

hmmm..

maybe i should go back to sleep now before it comes.

o'well - g'nite everybody.

:)

World 25

2010-03-02T00:08:00.002+08:00

the world is still recovering from haiti.. and then chile comes along.. hawaii almost. japan almost.

im not proud to say this.. but im one of them thousands if not millions who didnt sleep waiting for the "countdown" at hawaii.. its live on CNN - every angle was covered. who wouldnt get excited like that?? its like watching movie. almost surreal. and i was almost dissapointed when i didnt see the big wave. not that i wanted it to happen. im glad it didnt happen. that you have to understand.

i may be evil at times. but NOT to that extent.
heheh..

anyway.. when one disaster after another strikes us - without even giving the world a chance to breath.. we start questioning.. what is really happening to the world? is it really the sign that the end is coming? why give signs? cant u just end already?

hah!

welll.. the point to this blog is the song..

i love the collaboration.. but im just thinking how cum my hubby, david cook not there ah?? aishhhh...

as said.. do more than just listen. feel the song.

may God be with those in need.

:)

p.s.
happy birthday sis.
wish upon the star. may you get what u wished for.
:)

just a thought...

2010-02-25T23:22:00.004+08:00

a friend of mine posted this in his FB note today.. and i guess it just hits me right at the bullseye.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences. You build up this armour, for years, so no one can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life ..... you give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like, "I don't love you anymore", or "I'm in love with someone else", or, "Let's just be friends", turns into a glass splinter, working its way in to your heart, inch by inch in slow motion, cutting, tearing, and poisoning you from inside. It hurts big time, not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

as much as i would like to agree with it - i cant agree with the last part. i dont hate love. i love everything about love. i despise it for the misuse of it. but if its real - its real.

we had discussion the other night over coffee - well its was more like soyabean with crushed ice with cendol & gula melaka, which by the way was heavenly superb!!! (i had 3 glasses by the way in over few hours!) and anyways, it was a conclusion reached at the end of the night that i fall under the heading of "hopers" or those dreamers. basically those people like me lives in their own la-la-land. always believing that there's still hope for some people. that, some may change.

well.. i know they dun. and even if they do, they'll lose that very thing why i love them in the first place.

which lead us to this very virus whom is currently messing up my system. virus to the core and it corrupts the fundemental of the system which was going on great prior to its errr... corruption. putting up firewall is just no use coz one just cant help what one feel. and not that i didnt try. i tried real hard. deleting the very virus just made it worst. and was that love? or was that just pure and simple lust. or a combination of both? either way, as a general rule, virus is not good for the system. im still trying to figure out whether its a good virus or bad virus.

i know one day - when i stop wondering - coz people always say that it'll come when u stop searching - that an anti virus will make an appearance and which i hope will totally delete and diminish whatever that is corrupted - or what corrupting the system to begin with.

but i do so getting used to the virus. im scared if i really let the virus corrupt the very core that made me ME, then the anti-virus will always be the second best.

and that in my book is never a good thing.

until such time comes, if it ever, im so loving the butterflies in the system. the tinggling feeling - how my heart stop and then, start beating at a dangerous rate. yeah after all these times. the virus still able to do that. and even if its a bad virus - this very virus made me smile.

at times.

other times, i just wish my system is free from this particular virus.

so you see.. i dont hate love. i love love.

and i love the virus..

without it, how do i know i need an anti-virus kan.. doesnt make much sense now.

im still figuring it all out.
coz when dealing with virus.. there are no warnings given. then just attack and corrupt.
no explanation. no point of troubleshooting.

maybe one day it will all make sense even to me.
who knows.

kan..

My latest toy..

2010-02-20T02:27:00.005+08:00

yay...

after looking high & low for a netbook.. i finally found the one that i like..

its small. compact. lighter.

- toshiba nb305 series -

yup.. sold off my laptop to CK (to cover some part of the cost in buying this one).. more than half the price when i first bought it.. she really cut throat one.. but.. truthfully, i would've taken her offer even if its at RM500..

HAH!!!!

u think?

anyway.. the last few days.. been trying to figure the internet connection bit.. seems to have a little bit problem there... almost gave me a brain damage trying to figure what other configurations are there.. did i missed out any steps?

finally.. after 4 nights of trying to figure out.. after millions click here and there... after referring to most of my friends, expert & non-expert alike for their advise - finally ladies & gentlemen.. its FINALLY connected.. i've never been so happy to see the word 'CONNECTED' after diginet..

out of the blue..

:)

im not even sure how i did it.

so.. out of the above - which one did u think i choose?

no PINK.. :(

got la earlier models.. but didnt get very good review.. so i think for now i made the right choice..

though my bro, RK said i should've waited for Mac iPad to come out...

like i said.. well... i can always have the option of selling this one off to LK.. hahhaha.. and get that if - big IF there.. errrr... should the need arises..
colour: red scarlett.. the seller said.. GOT FENGSHUI one.. haha.. which is true..
its about 10 inches.. so screen is small but i have no complains..
battery good. can lasts for 11 hours..
doesnt get heat-y that fast..
system all very eSKay friendly...
kinda light.. easy to bring everywhere.. now if only its a little bit smaller ..
8inches.. should be fine with me..

ya.. very much my ideal thought on what i want..

the slack part is that no CD/DVD drive.. yup.. will have to invest on that one.. but then again i dun really need that.. all my movies are saved in my external hard drive..

so basically.. everything is A-O.K.

see... its so easy to please me..

im a happy woman today.

:)

p.s.
drive safe u.
hope to c u soon
:)

Twenties Girl

2010-02-15T01:29:00.006+08:00

By: Sophie Kinsella

sometimes, i look at the book i currently read - to answer the question i knew myself..

anyways...

here goes some snippets from the book...

"Its not enough to believe.

You could spend your whole life hoping and believing. If a love affair is one-sided, then its only ever a question.

Never an answer.

You cannot live your life waiting for an answer. You can want and want and want. If he doesn't want you back, then you might as well wish the sky were red.

I've been such an idiot in the past.

It feels like i'm finally stepping out of some trance. I was so busy chasing after him, so desperate, so sure of myself, i never looked closely enough at what i was chasing.

I never stopped to ask if he really was the answer."

this book is a departure from what ms kinsella usually wrote. while her other books makes you laugh till you pee from the very first page, she kinda mellowed down abit here. there are still that part where it makes you smile - or chuckle - though.

i was looking for a good laugh. kinda needed that.

but departure or not, it was a good read nonetheless.

.
.
.
.
p.s.
happy valentine's day.
you.
wherever you are.

The Beach

2010-02-05T01:36:00.002+08:00

hmmm..

i realised i didnt even post my blog about my bali trip and that was like almost a year ago? and now.. few trips later.. there seems to be alot of my draft blogs that are yet to be approved..

of course, im also the decision maker..
but.. still half way la..

so we shall see how this one goes..

well.. what can i say about krabi??

it was just simply A.M.A.Z.i.N.G.

yup.. kinda need to spell that one out one by one.. coz, believe you me.. even if you are not a beach person.. this place WILL and i do mean W.i.L.L. transform you..

*although i have to admit, the only reason why im suddenly a beach-freak is because there were just too many hotties to drooolllllllllllllllll on*

literally...

not a bus load full of them.. there - its a boat load full of that testosterone..
damnnn.

*take deep - very deepppppppppppp nafas*

if it doesnt kill you - it'll only make you stronger..
though im not sure how is that relevant here.. hahaha. im wierd. remember?

*by the way, ignore the one behind behind me with the belly :)

i was not talking about him.. hehhehe

*of course, when i talk beaches.. i meant those beaches that is/are frequented by those hotties* so.. sorry to say.. PD or TA (*whoopsie!!!*) doesnt make the cut here..

*would u like to bring me to your country?*

hehhehe

im such a biatch here hah!!!

like i said, IF ONLY i dun have principle to live by... *not like i do but back then - i did* i would totally be a gone case.. hahhah.. oh my.. my auntie-auntie.. make sure u read fast and ignore whatever comes to your mind.

im a sweet girl.. really..

*show innocent face like hush puppy* betul ni.. all innocent girl to the core..

*try not to vomit ur lunch/dinner k* dun believe everything you read.. or see.. there's always a story behind a story.. :)

like in this case... behind my coke *yes. i drink coke in krabi. another amazing thing! coz its not usually my cup of tea* thats where me and my friend stayed. smacked in the middle of that town.

and we asked ourselves - how to sleep like that??

make sure you go round and round and round.. till your kaki begegar..

- like go see nemo...
- or go snorkeling in the middle of the sea.. this part memang best.

- or go suntaning... but please apply lots and lots of sunscreen.. menyesal oh.. if not.

or just walk/sit by the beach side.. enjoy whatever 'scenery' that is..

and u get so tired.. till senyum pun cannot already...

all u wanted to do is sleep.. of course - dun forget to get a good - a very good massage *sampai tutup-tutup mata one* then go to bedfordshire..

*me think*

otherwise, go bungee jumping.. *mental note to self*

- or island hopping.. :D

- or if time permits - why not go for scuba diving...? *mental note-again*

apparently.. there's this "thing" about divers..

- hmmmm... cant really comment on that part right?? without putting me in serious trouble.. hahha..

of course, my mother, had she found out earlier that i'm going to krabi, she'll be all worried and thinking about tsunami happening.. so... rest assured that there are places to run to.. at least this warning is everywhere in krabi.

how far is 200m anyway??

well, im sure i can run like hell as if kena kejar by anjing gila kan... sure can one.. if i have the stamina to go up fast on this steps (all 1200++ of them)... then all should be fine...

or in the word of President Obama himself, "YES WE CAN!" and in the spirit of Msia Boleh.. sure can one...

hmmm...

i *heart* krabi.. and i wanna go back there one of these days..

- leave nothing but footprints..

- take nothing but memories..

and that said, thats the end of my trip.. for now..

*muah muah*

p.s. can someone bring me there...
please-please pretty please with sugar cream on top?
cruella - how?

p.p.s. happy 62nd birthday dadi-kutZ..
may u be blessed with good health & wealth all through this year and the years to come.
me loves you.. *hug hug*

almost paradise..

2010-02-03T00:42:00.001+08:00

the place was as beautiful as i imagined it to be.
as much as my 'spirit' was elsewhere some part of the time.. i had fun.

and.. didnt meet my leonardo there. the choice was endless tho.
if only i didnt have principle then. haha.

will blog more about krabi when i get the mood.

p.s. wish you were there, cruella.

a thought...

2010-01-31T00:01:00.001+08:00

"... it's like pulling a bandage off a cut. if you do it slowly to avoid the pain, it hurts more than if you just give it a good pull, and it's done."

just do the bandage thingy : s
putting more bandages on u. not taking it out : d

if only.

long weekend ahead...

2010-01-30T04:27:00.000+08:00

a dear friend asked me not quite so long ago to go "disappear" together-gether.. after CNY this friend said. and this place is what i had in mind. of course, i didnt get the chance to even mention it. and im not sure i'll ever get the chance to even suggest this place.

of course - things NEVER really work out no matter how much u actually wanted it to happen.

anywayssss.....

this is where i'll be for the next errr... few days..

this is nothing like the beaches at home.

i mean.. look at that..

i hope i get to do this.. if the instructor cute enough.. why not, right?

of course this too.. its a MUST..

can u imagine.. by tomorrow... i could be that girl *in my new bikini*.. of course im hoping i could go up to 18mtr depth - but, we shall see.. *maybe next time*

hmmmm....

well... u probably know this place.. u've seen this place before.. and its nothing but endless paradise... its where the movie was filmed.

if its good enough for leonardo.. its good enough for me.

:)

pssttt... hope i get to meet alot of *leonardo*..
maybe then, i can forget. haha.

Dear God...

2010-01-26T23:15:00.004+08:00

By Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road - crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love
- purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is
- to hold her when I'm not around
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again
- oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
- and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories
- will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God,
the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again
- oh no
Once again

Some search - never finding a way
Before long - they waste away
I found you - something told me to stay
I gave in - to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
when hope begins to fade...

A lonely road - crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love
- purpose hard to find

Dear God,
the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
- when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again
- oh no
Once again

.
.
.
loving the song BIG time...

p.s.
.
.
.

"Think big thoughts,
but relish small pleasures. "

30s are the new teens.

2010-01-25T00:01:00.001+08:00

wouldnt have blog about the night has it not been that one significant event - this year at least.

well, its only january right?

i mean, it has happened before. so, im not really surprise there. but it has been a few years since the last time it happened. so, the fact that it happened again, at this age.. really really uplift my spirit. or at least i'd like to think so.

im gonna take it as a positive thing.

the night started as usual. me & VSK getting ready. VSK change clothes twice. me... nah..

saw msG at the entrance waiting for us. told us to Q to pay for the cover charge.

ok.. remember i was mentioning about that 'significant' event??

well... i was stopped at the entrance..

wtf?

"can i see your IC?"

for goodness sake. he MUST be kidding me!!!

im not even in my 20s anymore-la.. i quickly scanned the place to see whether there's any cutie around that area laughing their arse off at this supposedly 'underage' girl trying to gain entry into 0pera...

as much as it amounts to a compliment *ya.. this woman gonna take it as such* .. bouncers asking for my IC has always been an embarrassment to me..

what is the age limit anyway? 16? 18??
i mean, for real??

do i really look like im in my teens??

i quickly showed the bouncer my IC.. VSK was already laughing her arse off.. though, since they're already checking mine.. they might as well check hers ... its one of them 'perks' of going in right after me.. even my friends / sisters will be deemed 'underage'..

ya. get over it.

the bouncer gave a short laugh - more like a chuckle when he saw my IC.. ya ya.. im way way over the age limit...

well.. it was a nice night.

more to come, i hope?

but of course.
:D

la'er people.

Were it not for hope, the heart would break.

2010-01-24T11:19:00.006+08:00

we only see what we wanted to see.
we only hear what we wanted to hear.
we only believe what we wanted to believe.

maybe its all just a BIG joke.
funny thing.
i just dun get it..

post SPM

2010-01-22T10:24:00.005+08:00

pic was taken a longgggggg time ago.
just after SPM.. something like our prom night -

wierdest thing. im still like that girl in the pic.
except that i dun wear those kind of shoe anymore.
and i dun do my hair like that anymore.

aiks.. i just realised something.

pic was taken 4 days after im 'official' with the then love of my life.

haha.

how cute is that??

*i wonder* if we had done the nasty by then.. hahaha

just kidding - la..

post PMS.

2010-01-20T01:51:00.003+08:00

a concerned friend asked me recently, "how are you today?"

he's just the sweetest thing ever.

i told him exactly what i was feeling, "its like stockmarket. sometimes its up. sometimes its down. then its up again. then its down again."

i wish i can feel somewhere in between.

indifference.
thats the word i was looking for.

i need a good night sleep.
i need a good night sleep without any nightmares.
i need a good night sleep without having to count sheep for the millionth time.

where are the virus when u needed one?
are there no germs around me?

i need to get away.
i need to get real sick and take real MC for days and just sleep and sleep and sleep.

this is too hard.

sometimes, i get so fed up with living that i wish God will just take me in my sleep.
but thats just stretching my wish a little bit too far.

haha.

im just overly tired.
or maybe it post-pms. if there's such a thing.

God knows.

... one of them times.

2010-01-16T23:42:00.009+08:00

is it possible to miss someone so bad

- u just want to pick them out from your thoughts

& hug them for real?

{{{{ (>.<) }}}}

my maskot..

2010-01-14T23:12:00.009+08:00

wanted to post my christmas blog.. but i cant seem to find the mood.

and i saw this pic..

and.. i oh so miss them so the very much...

both such a brat..
and always always make my life a living hell.. especially the one in *not in blue*
haha!

*bite bite*

auntie-na misses you both..

the other 2 girls...
wait ah... later i find pic first... then i put here k..

muaks...

Head -vs- Heart

2010-01-14T00:29:00.005+08:00

Let go, Head says.
I wont, Heart says.

Let go, Head says.
I cant, Heart says.

Let go, Head says.
Please.., Heart says.

Let go, Head says.
I'll try, Heart says.

Let go, Head says.
I'm trying, Heart says.

Let go, Head says.
I will, Heart says.

Let go, Head says.
I am, Heart says.

Let go, Head says.
Let go, Heart did.

:(

p.s. i wish some divine power from high above can show me the signs together with BIG pointers where all the signs are.

My Best Friend's Wedding...

2010-01-07T22:16:00.007+08:00

delayed entry : 12 December 2009

this was the main reason why for 2 weekends in a row i had to fly back home. i wouldn't missed it for the world actually. and im glad i made it to her wedding. *almost* dun want to go actually when she moved forward the wedding date which didnt really coincides with my leaves.

hehhehe.. but then again.. how could i??

anyway, the theme was pink..

*oh no! my theme suda kena pakai!*

haha.. the bride looks radiant and beautiful as all brides are.. truthfully, i almost cried when i first see her walking down the aisle.. yea.. well, my eyes always get teary during this part.. im not sure why.. coz.. its those last step ... *the very last* a certain woman [minus those hollywood version marriage] will take as a single woman.. going towards the man they gonna spend the rest of their life with..

its the idea of it.. or rather, the meaning behind it that makes me all teary.. truthfully, i was crying from the inside..

its tears of joy!! not any other thing.

im not very used to the basel's wedding.. so, im not really sure what's happening. abit similar to catholic's wedding, im guessing here.. but.. oh well... it is done before God, yes?

this is what happened when we dunno what's happening.. we were just waiting for the main part.. you know, the 'i-do- i-do-till-death-parts-us' part....

meanwhile, we camwhored at the back.. and Hill's baby girl was making one hell of a noise.. haha.. as all little girls/boys are.. si Hill lupa bawa sweets it seems..

yeah yeah.. you may kiss the bride..

forehead la he target.. *geleng-geleng kepala*

give her one hell of a french kiss la..

know what?? i have yet to see that in a wedding.. *mental note*...

this is the part where the girl will look almost demure [*keyword: ALMOST*] & malu2 kucing.. having to kiss or be kissed in front of everybody..

yea yea.. just kiss already..

the wedding march.. i announce you Mr & Mrs Chai.. eh.. wait.. Chai ka?? hahhaha.. i forgot ler..

:)

we had been friends since 1982.. and after more than 3 decades.. we still loook young as we were back then.. me especially..

hahhah.. ok.. im singled out now!! so, i have to market myself this... :D

ok ok.. go la vomit blood..

you are welcum woman..

now go pray for me!!

hehehe.. sempat lagi kan..

congratulations you both..
and to you Mr Chai, please take a very good care of my friend there.. :)

... a letter for santa...

2009-12-11T13:45:00.011+08:00

Dear Mr Clause..

here's my Christmas list..

any one of the above will do..

i have been a very V.E.R.Y. good girl (*sometimes only naughty*) this year..

otherwise.. that jantZ kabs will do.. :)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
... pssst...

message to home*

dun forget to remind joshua to clean my room*

hehe..

.. its 4am..

2009-12-08T04:15:00.004+08:00

sometimes im not sure what im getting into..

but thats another story.

anyway.. went to the tarot lady the other day.. before the year is out.. basically next year is good.. in terms of health.. wealth.. work.. career... a female species [*in the family*] will have good news apparently. im hoping that particular female species wins a million dollar jackpot and bring me for holiday of a lifetime.. :) unfortunately.. the tarot lady says that female species in the family does not include me.. so.. no good news from me people..

another thing that scares me was that she mentioned im gonna meet someone thru work.. good relationship.. but he could also be involved or rather distracted by some other XX chromosome.. cis.. could be a married man.. or someone's prop.. not my thing. so, im gonna have to concentrate on the current mr(s) thats been residing in my head for so long which more likely giving me mental trauma more than anything else.

good plan!

im supposed to be doing work.. slept in right after coming back from work.. and waking up at this wee hours in the morning to finish up some work.. i have to finish up everything before i go on leave.. cant leave anything hanging.. its too little time.. too much work.. i dont think i can take any more of new work.. im drowning as it is.

anyway.. people at home may be happy about it.. but im done with my xmas shopping!! except for 1.. ok.. theres 7 more.. but that one we shared.. so.. im hoping CK or VSK can always think what to get and im just doing the contribution part.. so.. kira i am done..

hmmm.. my heart has been going dub dub dub dub lately..

damn it.

okla.. its 5am.. time do work..
stuck at facebook for what?

- CIS.

24 days to Christmas... :)

2009-12-01T22:03:00.004+08:00

yup..
can u imagine that??

time actually flies like nobody's business this year... im still half way through my resolution.. wait!!! lemme think.. not even halfway.. and already i have to come up with another list for the new year..

cis!!

anyway.. im loving the atmosphere this month... the air is different.. it feels as if im breathing in fresh new found hope.. though im not sure why or what exactly is that.. its just a feeling i have like everything is gonna go my way.. not like i know what way am i wanting it to go.. or what way am i referring to..

i just feel rather happy.. and hopeful this month..

its christmas month la for goodness sake.. what else can u expect me to feel anyway right?

anyway.. havent done the xmas shopping bit yet.. wanted too in bangkok.. but timing just too short to window shop.. and look around for the best gift... so.. no.. sadly people.. no gift at all from the land up there.. next time la ahhh..

welll.. will try to do as much xmas shopping.. for the record, i only have this weekend free - for now. the next weekend im gonna go back for the weekend for alice's wedding (*which reminds me i still have to get that pink dress to go with the theme*).. and the next week im going back again for the holidays till next year..

hmmmm.. bila-la i can go HRC ni?? or LB?? damn it..

and i still need to see that tarot lady.. argggghhh.. time!! where art thou??

it seems like lately.. im looking for more time.. more and more of it.. coz there's just too little of it.. and so much to do.. argh..

there's alot of thing i promised myself to end at the end of this year. a few things to let go. to finally let go. and december seems to be just the month to have it all out.. give it all.. take it all.. and do it all.. and i'll be a brand new me next year..

:(

but thats another story.

for now.. enjoy the advent.

aikks... it's snowing already..

haiii.. christmas.. christmas..
so far yet so near..

;P

... sawatdeeka..

2009-11-27T01:05:00.004+08:00

i cant sleep.

not that i dont want to sleep and i cannot fall asleep.. but its just that i CANNOT sleep.
its 2 more hours before i make a move to the airport..

and im NOT taking any chances missing out my flight due to oversleeping. coz that has happened before. i can always sleep later.

and..

im just halfway done on my packing bits. not even halfway to tell you the truth. i cant think of what to wear. what to bring. no checklist. the advise my friends gave me. bring less. buy more. which also means.. bye bye $$$$..

as it is im over the top miskin now..

and im just so overly very the sleepy.

im trying to entertain myself in the room by trying out old clothes that i've only discovered i can fit into after all these years.. and then dancing around the room like crazy.. then check out my books to see if i can forget any of the storylines so that i'll have enough reason to read it on flight..

haha.

the rest are already in la-la-land..
VSK soon gonna be disturbed from her dreamland to send me to airport.
she's gonna be one cranky driver later.. see la..

pffttt... i buy her the elephant coins pouch baru tau!! haha..

truthfully, im not sure why im going..
when mrC asked.. i was abit reluctant at first coz im scared of going to that place after hearing so many stories.. and im just scared to be one of those statistic..

but seeing that him and mrH a regular there.. and i have msA to be my roomie.. i feel secured abit.. coz i trust these people with my life.

the first thing i wanna do is of course.. RED light district..
where the impossible happens. where stuff that i never thought off happen before my very eyes.. where u can see ping pong ball popping out of somewhere. hah! well, i shall soon find out.

camera. checked!
passport. checked!
money. checked!

the rest will just have to go with the flow.

anyway.. need to continue on my packing bit.

God, let me have a safe journey. Let me find something cheap for the people back home. Amen.

as to the rest of you..
enjoy the long weekend.

i know i will.... :)

I'm Sick :(

2009-11-24T23:35:00.003+08:00

my nose blocked.
:(

my throat painful.
:(

i cant taste my food.
*not that i eat anyway*
;P

my shoulder pain.
:(

its an early sign that im gonna have fever soon.
and already im having slight fever now.
:(

so sad.
holiday coming soon.
and yet.. im sick..
:(

grrrrr...
i dont want to be sick!!

grrrrr....
it's c.c.c.cold in here!!!..
damn u fever..
come back next year..

where were u when i needed u few months back..

ciz.
kejamnya.

{{{{(>.<)}}}}

-- blah blah blah...

2009-11-23T21:17:00.003+08:00

there's no point to this blog.
but if u r gonna read it anyway.
nobody's stopping you.

never believe everything you hear.
- unless u heard it from the horse's mouth itself.
that is the first rule of listening to gossip.

when the world tells you a story..
- story can be a made up.
when someone tells you a story..
- it could very well made up from one's head.

truth can always be bended.

coz thats how funny life is.
you say something today.
you meant something else altogether the next second.

nothing remain constant.
everything changes.
nothing stays the same.

we could only wish it would.

but, if we get everything we wished for,
thats not much of a life to live for.

a perfect person is only perfect through the acceptance of one's imperfections.
and a perfect day is only perfect when it was not through a perfect planning.

im not sure what im talking about.
coz i sure dunno what it was all about.
but its a matter of making a point.
though im not sure if there's any point to any of this.

maybe there is.
but im thinking no.

i guess im just bored.
so..

this is what its all about.

over and out.

see.. i told you.
no point, right?

p.s. bangkok, here i come.
that is the actual point, actually.

:)

happy fake birthday

2009-11-22T00:05:00.005+08:00

finally i get to watch 2012.

i wanted to watch it earlier *ahem* but due to some "unseen forces" and gravity-effect towards a certain someone.. the plan was delayed. making plans with Mr President is no fun. coz he's almost always busy.

wait. scratch that almost.

thus, the title.

and its also not fun to know that he's not fond of packed cinema..

wth?

of coz i cant really justify it in my head coz its not like u gonna share a seat with someone anyway.. u still get your own seat.. so what packed cinema got anything to do with watching the movie?

needless to say.. i had to wait. and waiting is the last thing i had in mind.

mrP: u just dun like the idea of being the last one to watch it.

for real?

SK: but why want to wait for an empty cinema? not happening-la like that. its not like we're gonna make out anyway.

*wink.wink*

mrP: just imagine i bought all the other seats so that we can have the cinema all to ourselves. see.. how romantic i am?

i wanted to vomit blood then.

like i said - gravity has something to do with it.
the bad news is that - its a one way street.

if we are a magnet.. for him - im a north to his north. and south to his south.
so.. no hope there.

sad but true.

anyway.. we finally managed to find an almost empty cinema at 1255 in the MORNING. its a 2.5 hour show.. halfway thru i got so sleepy and it was very-very cold.. im just lucky to have a living heater beside me.

:D

we had lonnnnnnnnng talk (about nothing in particular) after that movie at one of those nearby mamak-cafe thingy till the sun comes up. at one point we were talking about capital city of a particular country, which im very very bad at.

by the way, just for the record and future reference.. this I have to record it down.

mP: ok.. what is the capital city of switzerland? if you know the answer.. i'll bring you there next year...

i must have blurted out whatever european city that comes to my head coz i know, i can claim this even years from now. of course getting it is another story. as it is im still not getting that melbourne trip after all these years. and its been what? 8-9 years??? and im still claiming. and im still getting that 'one day when i rich' story. but i am so gonna claim it till kingdom comes.

SK:i know.. BERN.

:D

see.. me so the very clever one.

mP: ya ya.. u googled it right? that doesnt count!

i am so gonna plan my trip to switzerland.

googled or not. thats not the point here.

not that i did.

*show big innocent eyes like mr cat in shriek*

well... i genuinely had fun. even if i know im on borrowed time. the days are numbered. and im sure im gonna bit*h about it one fine day.

* * *

on another note, totally unrelated story - the plan to go LB with the kuts & friends (i think.. since there was no concrete plan actually) was canceled just now. i dont feel like going anyway. i dont think my heart can take any more.

*also coz someone's face is peeling like nobody's business*

or maybe, just maybe, i just dont want to split my fake birthday into two category.
one category is enough for memory's sake.

if you know what i mean.

other days are different story though.

but that's another story.

:P

boys will be boys..

2009-11-20T22:43:00.003+08:00

i was on my way to work this morning..and was listening to 104.9.. and today - its children international day.. apparently.

so.. the djs called 2 kids to host the morning show. alongside with them.

here goes some part of the conversation.. the one that i can recall at least..

JD: so.. *kid* (whats his name?), do you have a gf?

BOY: got...

JD: what's her name?

BOY : alisha...

JD: wooohoooooo....
JD: so does this girl know you likes her?

BOY: she everyday send me a love letter saying I LOVE YOU .. I LOVE YOU...

JD: wooohooooo...
JD: so do you want to marry her ?

BOY: NAH-AH..

both DJs : hahhahahha
JD: spoken like a true man..

for the record.. i lost my bearing for a while there for laughing so hard! that actually made my day.. and its before coffee!! its a rare occasion..

you see... this boy is about 10 years old*me think* (could be younger!!) and already a commitment-phobic.. and i thought only those supposedly grown up men has it (as in that phobia stuff)..

all this while, i thought all men.. ok.. M.O.S.T men (*rolls eye*) went to this special university *for boys only* where they teach how to hurt little girls like me.. whose big innocence eyes doesnt have any effect on them - like at all.. and my sweet innocent face does not even make them bend down and bow to me..

*evil laugh*

not that i wanted them to do that.. but you know what i mean - right?

anyway.. this university *for boys only* does not exist..
its actually in their genes.. only found in XY chromosome..

its a sad day for single girls everywhere..
coz the XY species.. they start early nowadays..

damn..

what are the chances of me NOT meeting these types of men?

well.. from my experience so far..

i'll say..

ZERO

sad...

but then again,
never say never.

:)

over and out.

My Sister's Keeper

2009-11-14T02:12:00.003+08:00

based on Jodi Piccoult's novel. same title.

i cried when i read the book.
but i think i cried harder when i watched the movie just now.

with actual sob! sob! sob!
damn..

the movie, as in the book, are narrated by all the characters. they each had their chance to tell their side of their story.

its basically about a girl. whom is engineered with the combination of the perfect chromosome or dna or cells - or whatever it is you medical geeks call it - of her parents to be the perfect specimen to be a match donor for her sister's dying condition.

and she sued her parents for medical emancipation. i.e. the right to her body. the right to decide.

blah blah blah.

looking at the movie or the book, whichever it is, from a larger scale .. it is all about letting go.

its about letting go of something that you hold on for so long. that you fought for - for so long that nothing else seems to matter but that you fight to the end of your breath.

its the metaphor of it that makes me cry harder than anything.

letting go of something is never easy. but at times, one need to learn how to let go. even if its the last thing we wanted to do.

is it really worth it to fight to the end of your breath?

i really dont know anymore.

but i guess, its about time.
dont you think?

well, we shall see.

over and out.

imagine..

2009-11-10T22:21:00.004+08:00

at times.. a smell.. especially that peachy smell can transport me back into a place in the past. i realized that once when my colleague sprayed that into the air..

and it hits me..
and i remember a face. a feeling.

*i bought a lemon airspray the very next day*

at times, a song.. a certain song can still make me go all quiet if it caught me off guard.

and i'll remember a face. a feeling.

a smell.
a song.
and your heart goes dub dub. dub dub.

now imagine a situation.

imagine that face.
imagine that laugh.
imagine that smile.
imagine that eyes.

now imagine. ..
if that imagination is not even an imagination.

imagine if u get that ONE moment.
that ONE time to re-live that moment.
a situation that was once a present.
now no longer a past.

what do you do?
what do you say?

what if..
after everything said and done, you cant remember anything?
but that you laughed like never before.
and that you smiled like u r meant to smile.
and that you feel what you felt.

imagine that.

F : Its funny to be here. Like old times.
M : why?
F : Funny how life works out.
M : Funny how it doesnt.

a certain situation sometimes feeds to your imagination.

Goodnite Mr President : F
Goodnite Mrs President : M
Mrs? typo? Mdm? Ms? : F
MRS.. : M

now.. imagine if you are only imagining.

imagine that.

.. ash

2009-10-31T15:26:00.003+08:00

as predicted... they woke me up at 6am..
blardy hell....

ashton brought with him his book of animals..

SK: *yawn* ok.. read for ati-na *yawn*

ASH: A-L-L-I-G-A-T-O-R..

SK: *open eyes* *impressed* wahhhhh.. so pandai..

*clap.clap.clap*

SK: wats that?

ASH: crocodile!!!
.
.
.
SK: wat the...
.
.
.
.
.
la'er.

... home alone

2009-10-31T01:59:00.004+08:00

well.. not exactly.. but right this minute, it feels like it.

it over 2 in the morning.. and i cant sleep.. not like i tried anyway.. but i dont even feel sleepy.. and everybody else is sleeping..

:(

anyway, when we reached kk airport just now.. my big bro and li'l caitlyn were waiting for us at the arrival.. and she's just the cutest thing ever.. smiling away.. feel like biting her.. but wouldnt want to be caught abusing little girls..

then we went for makan at damai... of course the place that i usually wanted to go packed like hell.. so, we settled for the one beside it.. with only one table occupied.. that says alot already.. so, needless to say, i didnt get my craving fulfilled... yup..

:(

but there's still tomorrow.. so.. no complains there..

when we reached home.. i went upstairs straightaway.. LK was limpang-ing watching The Covenant.. ahhhh.. my Caleb is ON.. but it was almost finishing.. and Exorcism of Emily Rose is on next.. so.. i cant actually sit around in front of the TV watching that.. im not gonna have my nightmare while im home.. im sleeping ALONE for goodness sake.. so thats not a very good idea..

anyway.. funniest thing.. joshua came out from the room.. wide awake!! and he saw me.. he said "hi...."

alaa... didnt see him since august.. and now he's all grown up already.. can go school already ohhh..

SK: cum.. hug ati-na..

xoxoxoxoxo..... also feel like biting him.. *bite.bite.bite*

LK: nah.. jagala kau.. dia tunggu present dia tu..

damn..

i didnt get the chance to buy anything for this trip.. i've been so busy.. that i didnt think its that important.. it was the last thing in my mind actually. afterall, me being home is present enough already.. dun u think??

JSG: Mummy.. where's my present??

yup.. i heard that.. cilaka!! wat u think i muntah present meh??

i left my luggage unopen until he decides to sleep.. cant disappoint the little one now, can we?

well.. looks like i had to get up early tomorrow to buy the little ones something.. just so i stay in their book as their BEST AUNT in the whole wide world ever.. not that im not one already..

hehehhe...

by the way.. my connection is fast!!.. its wifi baby... nice... so.. i can get connected anywhere now in the house.. i can be in the toilet now for all u know..

not that im there.. but i can.. hahhaha..

so.. to VSK and MK whom are all the way accross the sea.. too bad eugene.. u guys are missing out alot..

i dun even need to on my alarm here.. coz.. i can bet my life.. both ash & josh will knock on my door as early as possible.. i hope they dun have the habit waking up at 6am.. otherwise.. adalah kena rotan ni.. hahahha..

well... update again later..

havent taken pictures yet..

just for the record ...

SK: say I LOVE YOU...

Caitlyn: wuv yu...

:)

*bite. bite. bite*

LK: perasan la ko..

*joykiller*

:)

la'er.

something b4 tomorrow..

2009-10-29T23:28:00.000+08:00

im literally drowning....

its too much work too little time.. no matter how many hours i put in it.. seems like more and more is coming.. and my mental capacity is reaching its all time high capacity workout. otherwise known as tahap gaban.. its burning out..

im burning out..
im burnt out -

and i need this weekend to build up whatever system that is that contributed to my staying power these whole time..

taking half day tomorrow and an off day on monday.. cant imagine going off during the busiest time.. cant help it.. the off days were planned long time ago.

having that out of the way.. i cant wait for tomorrow..
yay!!!

ati-na is going home.

:)

i wish

2009-10-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

if there's one superpower i wish i have now
- and if only my fairy godmother is not forever on sick leave..
- and if only my guardian angel is not busy with some other mortal..

there's only one thing i kinda *need* right now.

- its the ability to read mind..

even if its thru sms or online or email or hp..
yup.. a superpower to go beyond all that..
thru every modern technology there is..

no mind games.
no reading wrong message.
no reading wrong body language.
no headache.
no wondering.
no analysing on every small details.

wouldn't it be nice??

i'll even give up my wish to win that million dollar jackpot if i can have this wish.

ermm..

well. i think so.
but for now..

God... overpassing all my fairygodmother and guardian angel..
can i like have it?

one week can?

ugh.

.. ash & josh

2009-10-23T02:07:00.005+08:00

it's joshua's birthday errr.. yesterday... this should be posted on the 22nd. but since i was out earlier.. i had to make some adjustment to my entry here..

he's 3 now... big boy already. and i missed out on his first step. first word. first flying kiss. and alot of other firsts.

he's one sweet boy.. for drama's sake.. but actually he's one little gangster.. for real. he pushes little girls.. like want to cari gaduh.. his voice is nothing child-like.. nothing sweet about his voice.. its so 'olombou'.. wat do u call it in 'malay' or in english??.. he got that deep voice..

he loves michael jackson.. and he's always trying to do that moonwalking.. or i think its that.. im not sure what he's trying to do actually.. bit its something that MJ does..

and when he did something wrong.. he'll smile that smile *while blaming others*.. and your heart - if its not strong enough - will just melt.. for a while only la.. til he started again with his ways.. coz he cant sit still.. its not in his dictionary..

and when u said.. clean your mouth.. he'll literally does actually that..

ya.. tongue and all..
thats my joshua..

anyway, my brother boy called me just now to wish me happy bday.. (belated) he said 'lina... birthday ko ka yesterday??' cis...

and ashton.. somewhere at the background shouted..

"happy birthday auntie.."

heeeeeeee...

that actually made my day.. and i dont know why...

im missing them like crazy...

:(

... at last....

2009-10-21T20:43:00.005+08:00

*im 21. with 34 years of wisdom*

yup.. in other words.. im 34 today..

im not shy to admit that.. but i hate acknowledging the number.. coz another year.. i shall no longer be in the range of early 30s.. i'll be mid-30s.. and yet, i have nothing to show for it.. by nothing, i meant no mr hubby and children which is supposedly fulfilled my life purpose..

or so said the orang tua-tua.. :P

yada yada yada...

and ya ya.. with age comes wisdom.. what wisdom?? big talk only that.. where got wisdom one.. macam biasa ja ni..

its funny how i look at other people my age.. they seemed so together. so matured. so in control of themselves.. and yet - me?? im in a mess... half the time i dunno what im doing. half the time.. i wonder why am i still doing the silliest of mistake which i should've learned a long time ago..

truthfully.. i am still the same as i was during my school days.. i still talk rubbish when im nervous.. i can still 'terpeleot' while walking on flat surface and langgar dinding while im at it.. i can still laugh over something that doesnt make sense *but it makes sense to me*.. i still dunno alot of things in life *but always good in pretending* that i actually know stuff.. i still cry over very short and touching advertisment.. i still cant lie without letting people know im lying.. unless if i plan beforehand.. then im the best actress.. *me thinks*.. i still live in my own lala land.. i dun really have principle but i tried holding on to whats best at any given time...

haha. thats alot of information already..

so u think u know me already..?

im definitely weird.. im not one in a million.. im just weird. and im beginning to like myself that way.

weird is the new normal..
havent u heard?

met an old friend last night.. well.. he said.. 'masih tak nak kalah ah??'
and just to set the record straight.. its not about winning an argument.. though i cant really remember what was it now.. its more about not giving in to everything he said. its argument for argument's sake..

ahem. *winning comes in close second*...

but i hate it when people just put a fullstop to this healthy bantering "bah.. kau la tu menang.."..
damn.. not that i hate *HATE* it.. its just no fun-la like that..

anyway.. had a great time last night with one of my old buddy.. i was at the right place.. im glad for the change of venue last minute.. *my doing* and im seeing the face i wanted to see when the clock strikes 12.. even if its from afar... almost as if im celebrating it with a certain someone back when i was 21.. and imagining that this person actually remembers it with lurveee *ok opps* .. though he didnt. and to know that there was a time when he was forced to remember it no matter what..

i wonder now.. how could he forget?? i didnt forget. so, how could he?
is he only realising it now? if - at all...?

well.. u win some .. u lose some..

and in this case.. i think im definitely on a losing end.. not that i mind.. coz that was one drama i dun think im able to handle.. not for the second time around anyway. haha.. but the idea of it seems to consume me everytime i see the face.. coz i love that face.. i literally love the owner of that face.. well.. u know what i mean.. some thing u just cant help but to feel more than u should.

i think today is a good day.. i was surprisingly calm the whole day.. no difficult client to handle.. my files seems to be all in order.. for today-la.. and it feels like everything is going the way its supposed to go..

on a negative side of it.. i cant imagine tomorrow.. sure something happen ni..

anyway.. thank u all for all the wishes.. really really appreciated.. its nice.

now.. there's only one more thing that could make this day just perfect. just one more thing.
and im still waiting.

:)

yes. its u mr president.

who else?